No m/c just yet

I know the ultrasound tech told me that it didn't look very good and I'm likely to miscarry, but my basal temperature is still high, and I'm still having pregnancy symptoms. My boobs are huge and I'm gassy.

Also, my doctor called a little later yesterday after reviewing my ultrasound data, and told me that I was "right on track" and asked if they "told me something bad"? (*ahem* cuz I freaked out immediately after the ultrasound and asked to be seen by the doctor, who's at another location).

I don't know if I can put hope in any of her words because I feel like she's the type that hates delivering bad news and will sugar coat things until the inevitable. I mean, the tech has been doing this for 26 years, AND she was there to see the pregnancy, my doctor probably just saw the data. She said my gestational sac looked flat and irregular. She also said she saw movements outside of the sac, possibly my cervix? Asked if I was cramping - and you know what? In the evening for the past 2/3days, I've been having these dull achy pains in my uterus. They aren't stretching pains. I have a feeling she is right. I hope to God she is wrong, but she's been looking at pregnancies for 26 years... why would she tell me something so grim if she isn't sure?

Oh well. So far, the m/c isn't happening yet. I will get another beta on Monday. See how it's rising/dropping or not doing anything at all, then get another ultrasound on Friday at 6 weeks. If I last that long.

3rd miscarriage.

It doesn't look good. What a surprise..

Ultrasound technician found a small odd shaped (pancake) gestational sac and a yolk sac but no fetal pole. The sac measured at around 5 weeks length wise, but width wise, it was out of range (which means less than 5 weeks). She also said she is seeing some movement around the sac and asked if I was cramping... I said, minor achey cramps yes. She said it looks like my body is getting ready to get rid of it.

Started out great, HCG more than doubled every 48 hours... then it just stopped. I think we have genetic problems. This is our 3rd m/c in a row, and no kids, so we're finally getting all the tests done.

Worried now

Test result from yesterday:

HCG = 2153

it's only a 53% increase, whereas I've been having 140% increases last week.

I'm booked for an ultrasound at the hospital tomorrow morning. The doctor is worried too.

DPO 18 blood test results

Forgot to post this, I took some blood tests on Monday (2 days ago):

HCG = 1405
Progesterone = 16.8 - a drop.
Doctor said not to worry about the drop because HCG looked good. I think she sugar coats things though (as experienced from last two miscarriages).

I'll get another beta reading tomorrow as I did another blood test today... then I'll probably do another one on Monday!!! ahh I'm insatiable!

DPO 20: 4 weeks 4 days

Had another boob episode yesterday... but way worse because the deflation lasted from 11:00pm until the whole day next day. I was sure I was miscarrying, so I started crying at work. Then worried and stressed my hubby out until we went home at 6pm, he took a look and disagreed with me that they've deflated... then a little later they were tender again. By the end of the night, they were fuller, and the next morning (this morning)... they are sore again and full.

CRAZY.

DPO17 : 4weeks 1 day

I didn't record this yesterday because I didn't want to obsess over every little detail, but now I'm going to jot it down to remind myself the next time I freak out.

Yesterday was the first day of the week that I didn't have to wear a bra (because I was home all day)... so I didn't notice my boobs being really sore. During the evening, I started feeling them around and they felt a little smaller - the fullness deflated. Then my husband came over to cop a feel and told me the same thing (without me vocalizing to begin with)... so we were both like "uh oh".

So anyways, friends were coming over, so I unwillingly put a bra on. By midnight, they didn't really hurt, but when I felt them again, they were full again.

This morning, they still aren't as painful as the few days in the 3rd week, but I believe they're the fullest yet.

DPO16

Oh why not....



and just for comparison:

DPO 11


DPO 10


DPO 9

Winded....

I feel so out of breath and low in energy right now. Like when you've slept way too during the night... maybe I have. Went to bed at 11:30 and woke up at 8:30.. :P

Still. I either feel winded or dizzy.

Torture

I keep waking up every morning thinking/hoping that way more time has passed since yesterday. I'm only 4 weeks today. This is the day that usually people find out they're pregnant... because their period hasn't shown up in a few days. I've had symptoms since the 2nd week (right after conception)... and already had positive tests at 3 weeks. So inadvertantly, I'm torturing myself by knowing way too soon. I wanted to confirm it though, so I could test my progesterone asap.

So a week passed, which seems like a month. I still need to wait 3 weeks before I can get a good scan... well, 2 if I want to push it. But it would be way too early to be sure you could see the heartbeat. And we don't want to torture ourselves if we couldn't see the heartbeat at 6 weeks and have to wait another week to confirm the fate of the babe.

Do you see how hard it is to not think about this every second? I'm trying so hard. SO hard. to not let it consume my life. I'm making a conscious effort not to allow this to become the #1 priority or the only thing in my life so if it doesn't work out, I won't feel like a big empty void. It's sooo difficult. Everyday you wake up and first thing you do is touch your boobs. Make sure it's still full and tender. Try to remember if you peed in the middle of the night or not. See if your temperature has remained high. And you're fighting every temptation to pee on another test.

Torture.

HCG beta result DPO14

Got the results from the beta done yesterday. They are 243. It's more than doubled over the last two days, and these numbers are pretty high. Here's hoping the embryo divided correctly. I'm going to do one more beta + progesterone in about a week or two... depending on how worried I get probably lol.

Also, today my boob has gotten less tender - although still as full.

Not even 4 weeks

Today I'm 3weeks 5days. The next two months will be the LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONGEST of my life. It's already felt like a year from when I found out I was pregnant, but it's only been 5 days????

*big sigh*

Well - boobs have gotten really full like the first time I was pregnant. I'm starting to notice extreme bloating after big meals so I might have to split my meals. One thing of concern to mention is today from 3 - 4 pm I started getting this achey sensation around my cervix area... it felt like it was opening or dialating like my last miscarriage. It was a little scary... but I went to the bathroom and there was no blood, so...

And anyways, I won't be concerned until after 5 weeks... that's the end of the 2nd pregnancy, then once again at 8 weeks or so. After we pass those milestones, then maybe I'll start a ticker.

HURRY UP TIME!!!

Rocks

Ouch my boobs are really sore near the underarm area. I'm turning in early tonight. A bit bloated and tired.

Blood test #1 results

Tested on Tuesday (DPO12) for HCG and progesterone. Nurse called back and didn't really want to confirm pregnancy (I think it's because I'm so early, and they're not really aware of how early I am).

DPO 12:
HCG = 108
Progesterone = 22.5

Will test again on Thursday (DPO14).

I do the opposite

I told myself and my husband that I wouldn't obsess about it this time... which is why I tested 3 days in a row! (a little bit of sarcasm there)

But look look! It's darker lol. I won't test anymore. Now just waiting for the blood tests.

Tested again

Not much has changed in the results, but this time I timed when to view and discard the stick. Pregnancy tests are only accurate within 10 mins of when you activate it. I didn't time it yesterday, so I can't be for sure it wasn't an evap line, although I'm still having very strong tender boobs/wind symptoms. So today I set a timer for 8mins, that's when I read the results. If I can see a line without squinting or starring at it for longer than 10 mins then it's reliable.



I took a picture as evidence, but ironic enough, you can't see the line because there are a million shadow stripes in the way from the window screen. It's there, trust me.

Rise and fall of basal body temperature during luteal phase

Ok. So I did a little bit more research on the Internet in regards to what causes temperature to rise or fall during luteal phase (post ovulation).

I found the tryingtoconceive.com site:

The high levels of estrogen causes the temperatures to be low before ovulation. Following ovulation, progesterone levels rise causing temperatures to rise as well.

What is a slow-riser?
In some women, the thermal shift may be gradual over several days. They a called slow-risers, which means that it took a little longer for progesterone levels to rise high enough for temperatures to become elevated. This is a normal finding and does not affect fertility.

What is a "fallback" temperature?
Some women may see a drop in temperature the day or two after the thermal shift. It is likely due to a surge of estrogen. This is normal and does not affect fertility. It should rise again the next day.

My temps have dropped, then rises after that, then drops again, rise again. Is the estrogen in my body engaging in an epic battle with the progesterone?? I haven't gotten confirmation that high levels of estrogen causes your temp to drop... the only thing any website focuses on is that progesterone causes it to increase. So does this mean my progesterone levels keep dropping then increasing? :(

All I want to know is that there is enough progesterone for a healthy pregnancy. So, we'll probably have some answers on Wednesday.

I wasn't going to test

I convinced myself, in order to not let trying to conceive consume me this time, that I wasn't going to test so early... and wait until I miss my period to do so. But then after going to the stupid fertility doctor, he made me all worried about my progesterone levels saying how he didn't like my chart because my temperatures were really up and down. So I flipped my rationale and told myself that I needed to test asap so I can have my regular OB give me a blood test and progesterone test. That way they can give me progesterone supplements, not that it's known to do very much. In the medical world, progesterone is controversial because most believe that low progesterone is an indication that you have a nonviable pregnancy - and not a cause of a miscarraige, so you can't reverse it.



Anyways, I dipped a test in my urine this morning. I needed to! For medical purposes! I'm still extremely early, only 9 days post ovulation - the earliest HCG will show, I guess. For the first few minutes I stared at the stick, it was blank besides the control line. I thought, well that's weird, because we had sex five days straight before and during ovulation!! Also, I started having symptoms last two days, especially yesterday (8DPO)... my boobs were SO swollen and were tender throughout the first half of the day (the second half, they deflated (weird)). Also, I had incredible gas. These two have always been my first indications of pregnancy.



So a total of probably 3-4 mins past, the slightest line began to appear next to the control line. Click to view larger.

So now I know I wasn't insane to feel like I was pregnant for the past two days. I am. This is usually the easiest part. The next 2, 3 weeks will be the hardest. On Tuesday, I'll have to request OB to order me a HCG/progesterone test. Get the results, then the week after that I'll have to get another HCG to see if it's rising. Then schedule an ultrasound at around 7-8 weeks (if we get that far) and hope for a heartbeat. I hate being negative, but I also don't want my heart shattered into a jillion pieces once more. If I stay pessimistic, maybe it'll just shatter into 2 million pieces instead.

What a fucking waste of time! Let me tell you why!!!
1. They didn't have results for 5 out of 9 tests.... because they're "lost" or "they did them wrong". I have to redo them. (NOT)
2. The endometrial biopsy to test the lining of my uterus???? THEY "dropped the ball" and TESTED FOR CANCER INSTEAD. HELLO? Specialist has to call them to reinterpret the samples relevant to fertility...
3. The doctor I have is a ROBOT. You ask him questions based on your own charts and history, and he tells you the most basic and general texbook answer... that you ALREADY know from researching on google. He's an Assistant Professor at a university, and I think very strongly that he should just stick to lectures. He has no business dealing with patients!




Waste of TIME! oh also I showed him my most recent chart, he kept saying "oh I don't like this one... the temperature should stay raised and should not drop at all in the luteal phase (post ovulation).... so I kept asking him, why? He says "the temperature should remain high"... "ok, but what causes it go high or low?... do I not have enough progesterone? Estrogen, what??" He says "Well... it depends" ..so what makes you say "it doesn't look good"??? "It should stay high"

UGH. So frustrating!

Also, then I noted to him that we're actively trying to conceive this cycle.. so could it be the drop in temp for today (DPO 8) is due to implantation? Because, implanation happens around 7-10 days?

He said "No. Implantation does not cause temperature to drop. Estrogen does. Also, implantation occurs on day 5 after ovulation."

Oh, ok, so everything I've read on the Internet: i.e. Fertility Friend, Pregnancyinfo, is completely false. I see....

Basically, I will NOT be returning to this doctor. What luck huh? I invested 2 months to see him to get some help, and not only was he absolutely no help at all, but I had to battle insurance almost once every week to get NOTHING. What a HUGE waste of time!!!


Basically, I'm not going back to him.

Followup appointment with specialist

Finally the damn insurance shit is resolved. I don't know who dropped the ball, but, without going into details, I had to cancel my appointment twice because the first authorization expired and I couldn't get my results from the specialist unless I paid out of pocket, wtf?? So now, of course, I'm probably already pregnant (ha, optimistic yes), and I still don't know if there's something physically wrong with me that is causing me to miscarry. (good move)

Anyways, I finally have an appointment tomorrow at 3:45pm. HOPING FOR GOOD NEWS!
I'm brining in my charts of course, so he can tell me if everything looks "normal" and I have a good luteal phase.

Also, I notice I start off a lot of these posts with "finally"... baby making is a whole lot of waiting around isn't? Not fun.

Finally! FF detected my ovulation date.... for 3 days now I've been unsure if I ovulated at all this month because of such add temp patterns, as you can see above. You're supposed to have 3 consecutive temperature raises before ovulation is confirmed, so even though I got a positve from ovulation kit on CD12, I couldn't say 100% that I ovulated. Especially concerning was the temp drop on CD 15. Weird huh?

CD16 and 17, the temps continued to rise just slightly... so this morning when I found 97.66 (a drop) on my thermometer, my heart sank. Your temperature is supposed to keep raising, not drop, after ovulation, and especially if you get pregnant. But I think having my sleep disturbed towards dawn is what's causing these erratic temperatures. Who knows. All I know is I'm hoping to see dramatic drop for one day at around CD20-22, which would represent implantation. Or, second option is... nothing happens and I don't conceive, because I finally got the authorization for HSG testing today. :P So either way it would be a favorable outcome.

I guess this all makes me about 5 Day Post Ovulation (DPO). Could my boobs be starting to swell? It could be normal ovulation symptoms.

Early morning breast tenderness

I should be DPO4 today. Woke up with the tiniest feeling of breast tenderness. 2:00pm now, and not feeling it anymore.

Surge is over.

Cross yesterday: Today is positive ovulation

(almost) Positive ovulation

Full speed ahead

Never been more relieved to know I was wrong. I called the nurse again today to get some clarifications... she repeated my biopsy results: "no malignancy". I totally heard her wrong the first time on Friday! I thought she said I had malignant results! Doh!

I also looked up all the names of the blood tests and it looks like besides progesterone, the 7 or 8 other blood tests were all to check for abnormal blood clotting. All of the results came out normal. Other than having something wrong with the structure of my uterus, or having some genetic deformity with our chromosomes, there shouldn't be anything else wrong... to cause these miscarriages.

I tested ovulation today and it was a pretty clear negative. I'll test again tomorrow morning if I can get the "tools" into the community work bathroom (kind of embarrassing.) Maybe I'll just pee in a ziplock bag and throw it away in the sanitary baskets after I'm done. I'll come up with something not gross.

Otherwise, I'll test tomorrow night. I'm getting some signs of fertility as we speak.

Come on 2009 baby!

I'm trying to have faith. Hoping that the first 2 were just flukes. Friday, I got the results back from the specialist's office for the blood work and the endometrial biopsy. The nurse did a quick thumbs up or down over the phone. All of my blood work was normal and she specifically mentioned that progesterone levels looked good. The biopsy, she deferred the results to the doctor for interpretation. He needs to look at my temperature chart in order to interpret the results relevant to fertility. I threw out the HSG idea since 1. the authorization never came through in time, and 2. I'm really starting to believe that there's nothing wrong with me physically. Plus, we'd have to wait another cycle. I've already been waiting since October. I don't think patience can hold me any longer.

My follow-up appointment to get full results with the specialist is in two weeks. I'm going to be ovulating in about 2-3 days. So we're not even going to wait for the full results. We've officially "tried" today.