Happy Friday

I woke up with the most intense need to hurl this morning. No, not pregnancy related. I think I've eatten something bad... or the daily advils I'm taking is burning a hole in my stomach. It's 3:52pm and I'm still feeling nauseated especially when I'm standing up. I've had 3 pieces of toasts the whole day.

On a different note, I've got a positive on my fertility test today, which means I'm ovulating as we speak. I've called the specialists office to check on my insurance authorization (obviously needed before they can schedule any tests for me, other wise it's out of my pocket), well everyone's out of the office. Happy Friday. I didn't hang up.. I made sure the receptionist leave the financial counseler a note saying "Call back ASAP. Patient ovulating. Need authorization to set appointments by Tuesday. Can not miss testing this cycle." I'm so demanding that the receptionist probably knows who I am by now. I mean, he didn't even need me to spell my exotic name.

Infertility specialist appointment

I have mixed feelings about the appointment. Basically, the doctor went straight to a plan of actions: 1. test progesterone 2. get a endometrial biopsy (check uterus lining) then next cycle 3. get a HSG test, where they pump ink into your uterus to see the structure of it.

All this would take about 2 cycles, in which you can not become pregnant. There's a 50/50 chance they will find something wrong, or nothing at all. So second plan of action is to check for genetic problems, which could take another cycle. In short, I can take about 3 months of testing to have a 50/50 chance of find something wrong and have 50% chance of being able to fix it, or not at all... and the flip side is that we may not find a single thing wrong and those two miscarriages occurred by chance - or "bad luck" as he put it. If that is the case, then I would have wasted 3 months of testing for nothing.

On the flip side, we could get pregnant this cycle, and either carry full term (no time loss), or have another miscarriage, wait around for at most 3 months before we find out the pregnancy is not viable... then take another 2 months for the miscarriage to finish, and end up right back where we are right now. Except then it's certain that we need medical intervention. But then I would have lost 5 months... and another baby. And would need another 3 months of testing before we could try again. That's 8 months of time lost. But I guess by that time, it doesn't really matter because obviously I have a very severe reproductive problem.

I'm not sure what to do. Try again and hope that third time's the charm, or have another miscarriage and get really angry at myself for consciously choosing not to test and correct any reproductive problems and killing another baby because of my actions.

AF continued

Every morning, I wake up from the alarm, roll around in bed for another 10 mins, and jet out of bed into the bathroom because now I'm really really late. Of course, forgetting to take my basal temperature. Ugh. It's not a big deal yet, considering I'm still on my AF, which is pretty normal to my relief. First two days were quite heavy actually, and bright red, but today has been sparse. I'll definitely need to be charting starting in the next few days. I'm very much looking forward to the next week, especially the 10th through the 16th... why? They are the 8th through 14th day of my cycle, hopefully, my ovulation days. I've got my fertility strips ready for testing.

But maybe I'm getting too excited and obsessed again? What if I don't ovulate? Am I going to be extremely bummed out again? Ugh. I need to learn to pace myself and let things happen. At the same time, I can't really fault myself for being impatient since this is going to be my third try within the year. Please, all forces of the universe listen, and let the third time be the charm!

Oh and yes, tomorrow is the first consultation with the infertility specialist. I'm still not sure what I would like to discuss. I guess we'll start with our history and let them give us some options.