Sunday, November 27, 2011
I'm probably getting an infection since the upper edges of my uterus seems to be sore and tender to the touch.. but I have no fever, no foul odor, etc. Tomorrow is my induction date anyways so I'm waiting cautiously instead of going to the emergency room. I hope out of this utterly horrible experience that I at least get to keep my reproductive organs.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Day before Thanksgiving and I can't believe I'm doing research on funeral homes and premmie urns.
We've had further appointments with the perinatologist and the prognosis has not changed. They pretty much said it's up to me, but the reality is that this baby, if it survives birth and the NICU, will be 99.9% special needs. Since my water broke during the crucial time for proper lung development, this baby's lungs most likely have never developed.
So, I regret to state that my induction date is 11/28/11. I will deliver my baby boy at 22 weeks. I don't know what else to say but I'm incredibly scared, besides other intense emotions, and I don't know how to handle it all at this point.
We've had further appointments with the perinatologist and the prognosis has not changed. They pretty much said it's up to me, but the reality is that this baby, if it survives birth and the NICU, will be 99.9% special needs. Since my water broke during the crucial time for proper lung development, this baby's lungs most likely have never developed.
So, I regret to state that my induction date is 11/28/11. I will deliver my baby boy at 22 weeks. I don't know what else to say but I'm incredibly scared, besides other intense emotions, and I don't know how to handle it all at this point.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
20 week update -PPROM due to Subchorionic hematoma
I've stopped updating for a quite a while... mostly because I wanted to remain in denial about my condition, my doomed pregnancy.
I'm a little over 20 weeks now and just found out a couple of days ago that my water had broken. I figured it broke at 17 weeks because that is when I began noticing daily watery discharge/flow along with my usual brown bleeding. My water level is a bit lower than 2cm right now and my options are to terminate or carry on with an extremely high risk of a severely disabled preterm child.
Conflicted is an understatement of where I am right now... looking around forums and support groups helps only a little. This post moved and affected me a lot, so I'm pasting it to keep as a reminder.
"A person needs to decide if they can handle a child that may wind up having severe problems throughout their lives that you would not even want to live with if that child does make it. Or you need to think can you handle all the loss hope and heartbreak if you carry to a viable age and your babies lungs do not develop and that child dies at birth? Though yes, their is that 10% for a healthy child.. you need to decide and understand most of us are not that 10% and if the child did live, would that be the life you would want for your baby, possible ceribral palsey from most likely being very preterm, organ or brain damage, any kind of severe deformities, lung malformations? I die inside every day, without my daughter, but I would not have wanted her to struggle with a life I would not have wanted to live. I made my decision not to soon, but because I could not bare the thought of watching my child suffer. So instead, I suffer to be without her. "
I'm a little over 20 weeks now and just found out a couple of days ago that my water had broken. I figured it broke at 17 weeks because that is when I began noticing daily watery discharge/flow along with my usual brown bleeding. My water level is a bit lower than 2cm right now and my options are to terminate or carry on with an extremely high risk of a severely disabled preterm child.
Conflicted is an understatement of where I am right now... looking around forums and support groups helps only a little. This post moved and affected me a lot, so I'm pasting it to keep as a reminder.
"A person needs to decide if they can handle a child that may wind up having severe problems throughout their lives that you would not even want to live with if that child does make it. Or you need to think can you handle all the loss hope and heartbreak if you carry to a viable age and your babies lungs do not develop and that child dies at birth? Though yes, their is that 10% for a healthy child.. you need to decide and understand most of us are not that 10% and if the child did live, would that be the life you would want for your baby, possible ceribral palsey from most likely being very preterm, organ or brain damage, any kind of severe deformities, lung malformations? I die inside every day, without my daughter, but I would not have wanted her to struggle with a life I would not have wanted to live. I made my decision not to soon, but because I could not bare the thought of watching my child suffer. So instead, I suffer to be without her. "
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