Monday, December 5, 2011

Magical Cabbage

Cabbage leaves really work. I only had one day where I couldn't move my arms without my breasts hurting. After that, I didn't feel like I was going to explode anymore. Just place fresh cabbage leaves out of the fridge in to a sports bra/nursing bra, then leave it in for a couple of hours until it's all wilted. Then change for fresh ones. I know some people use Ace bandages to wrap their breasts around, but I just used a scarf. It helped keep my boobs in place when I moved around/bent over, and it kept the leaves flushed against my skin.

I didn't leave them overnight as I had 2 dogs that would have loved to sneak a midnight snack. Still worked. 2 days later and my boobs have already gone down in fullness. The swelling is no longer up in my armpits and collar bone.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Milk came in

My milk started coming in 2 days after birth. I had to go back to the hospital because of a low grade fever of 100.4. They checked my white blood count and confirmed that I didn't have an infection. They said, sometimes you have a fever when you milk comes in. Really? I didn't have that last time.

This is the 2nd day of my breasts completely filled with milk and they are solidly rock hard. I hope it will resolve in the next day or so. It's not only very uncomfortable, but it is a painful reminder that I should be feeding my baby right now, but I'm not.

11-29-11 RIP Baby Boy

I gave birth to my son on 11/29 after 18 hours of induction. They first tried the foley bulb, which after 12 hours, only helped my cervix dilate to 1.5cm. So they finally gave me the pill, which they wanted to avoid because of my c-section scar. They were afraid it would thin out my uterus at the scar site.

The pill worked very well. It dilated my cervix to 4-5cms in 6 hours. After that, I was getting pretty painful contractions every 5 mins... and so I requested for some IV pain meds, which helped take the edge off. I could still feel the climax of the contractions and still had to breathe through them. But I decided from the very beginning that I did not want to have an epidural. I wanted to experience natural birth, and I wanted to avoid all the numbness, need for a catheter, and possible spinal injury with epidurals.

Things progressed pretty fast after this. Contractions got more and more painful, my breaths are now more like groans, and the pain meds were not helping at all. The nurse strapped a contraction monitor on me to see for herself how fast they were coming.. about 3-4 mins.

Half and hour later, I knew it was time to push as I felt a "drop" and my contractions became unbearable to the point where I was crying now. I screamed for my husband to grab a nurse. At this point, everything became a blur. My hands and feet were tingly and numb, I could not keep my eyes opened because of the pain, I was swinging my head left to right crying "I need a doctor!! I need a doctor now!!!"

All I remember was hearing a group of doctors telling me it's time to push. My body was there, but my mind was not. I was in so much pain that I was having an out of body experience. I could hear them, and hear myself scream, but I didn't know what was going on and could not control myself. They told me to push and I said "I can't, it hurts to much!" They said it would feel better if I did... so I tried with labored breathing, which was not very effective.

They told me to hold my breath while I pushed, so I found some self control and pushed as hard as I could. I felt the head coming out and my vagina being in the most pain I've ever felt in my life and I screamed sooooo loud. We waited until the next contraction before I pushed out the body and immediately after that I found relieve.

They handed me my tiny little baby boy, whose eyes were still infused, skin was translucent, but as beautiful and perfect as ever. I balled. This was my baby. My baby. My beautiful baby. He had a pulse, but could not breathe, and will not live. I cried and wailed and let myself be consumed with emotions. They cleaned the baby up and got him ready for me to bond with him, and told me to push some more for the placenta to come out.

He was perfect. 22 weeks old, 1 lb. 3.4 oz, and 11.5 inches long. My time spent with him was peaceful. I observed his face, his little hands, long legs, and cute little feet and toes. His little peach fuzz of hairs on his head and long nails on his fingers. I said sorry to him many many times, and that I'll miss him a lot and kissed him on the forehead. The nurse took pictures of us and took him away. I'll never see him again. I've lost a son. Nothing can ever replace that. Having my first child doesn't make it any better. Getting pregnant again doesn't make it better either. This boy is gone. My child is dead. I'll never get to know him, see him grow up, hold him again. He's gone. It's not just a miscarriage. I have 2 children and one is dead. All I can do now is grieve for him... miss him a lot and try to continue living my life.

After the birth, I was shivering uncontrollably. Most likely from the adrenaline and all the meds, but I was really really really cold. They mentioned that I did not lose a lot of blood during the delivery, but after everything was done and over with, I started bleeding a lot. I called the nurse, but I didn't get a quick response and started to panic because at this point, I can feel myself hemorrhaging. The nurse came in and saw my soaked bed and called several doctors urgently. She pressed on my uterus to show them how much blood was gushing out and blood actually shot out on to one of the doctor's shirt. They talked about a possible D&C surgery to scrape my uterus clean. I was now on full on panic mode and pleaded to them that I did not want to lose my uterus, so please help me. They scanned me via ultrasound and was pretty sure that there was no left over placenta remnants in there. They said my bladder was incredibly full and sometimes that can prevent the uterus to contract properly so they released my urine through a catheter. They gave me more medication to help my uterus contract through a shot, and then two pills through the rectum, and then I had pitocin via IV. They took my temperature and realized I had a fever too, which explains why was I was so cold but felt so hot. I had an infection, which could also prevent my uterus to contract properly. They sent my placenta to be tested for bacteria to see if I was already contracting an infection before my induction and just didn't show any signs of it.

The nurse kept a close eye on my bleeding the following night to make sure I was healing on track and I was. I was discharged the night after that, since I was walking around fine, and my bleeding was completely normal. I was so glad I didn't need a D&C and my reproductive organs are still intact... and hopefully not damaged.