Mommy after two miscarriages

2012-01-07T22:12:00.000-08:00

Finally stopped bleeding on Tuesday.. 4 days ago. It seems that the bleeding was an abnormally heavy period and the birth control was successful in managing the crazy hormones. My ultrasound on Monday came back normal. No fibroid, no placenta remnants.

I am now back to normal... and have no more excuses to not exercise and lose this 10lb of baby weight in my over stretched belly.

Also, my hemoglobin levels were at 11.7 ...and NOT 7 like I thought I had heard on the voicemail. ha.

Postpartum week 3-4

2012-01-01T23:41:00.000-08:00

I started to rebleed at 3 weeks postpartum the day after sex. Started out like the beginning of a period, just light red bleeding that gradually increased within days... and just got really really heavy and stayed heavy for over 5 days!!! In the morning I would change my pad every hour. There would be a constant stream of pink water in the shower. As the day progressed, I would have to change my pad every 2-3 hours, but I was losing a lot of blood.

My OB was out on vacation, so his partner who was extremely overbooked finally agreed to fit me in between appointments... and told me that she suspected my period had come... which means that I ovulated right after giving birth... since period arrives 2 weeks after ovulation. That's pretty crazy. But why the hell is it so freaken heavy? She gave me a physical exam and told me that she felt a fibroid in my uterus. WTF is that?? A benign common TUMOR... which could explain the heavy bleeding. Life just gets better and better.

She prescribes some birth control bills for me to regulate my hormones, which is supposed to reduce the bleeding. This is my second day on the pill and it seems to be helping. I'm no longer changing my pad every hour. Seriously, I bought a 32 count box of regular pads on 12/27 and have used all but 5 in four days. That's about 7 a day.

I got my complete blood count results and apparently my red blood cell count is good, however, my hemoglobin has dropped another 2 points...from 9 to 7. Normal levels are 12 for a woman. I've lost so much blood from this entire pregnancy. The massive bleeding episodes from the blood clot while pregnant, then the hemorrhage after birth, and now this. I'm so discouraged right now and finding myself extremely depressed tonight.

Magical Cabbage

2011-12-05T15:57:00.000-08:00

Cabbage leaves really work. I only had one day where I couldn't move my arms without my breasts hurting. After that, I didn't feel like I was going to explode anymore. Just place fresh cabbage leaves out of the fridge in to a sports bra/nursing bra, then leave it in for a couple of hours until it's all wilted. Then change for fresh ones. I know some people use Ace bandages to wrap their breasts around, but I just used a scarf. It helped keep my boobs in place when I moved around/bent over, and it kept the leaves flushed against my skin.

I didn't leave them overnight as I had 2 dogs that would have loved to sneak a midnight snack. Still worked. 2 days later and my boobs have already gone down in fullness. The swelling is no longer up in my armpits and collar bone.

Milk came in

2011-12-02T15:49:00.001-08:00

My milk started coming in 2 days after birth. I had to go back to the hospital because of a low grade fever of 100.4. They checked my white blood count and confirmed that I didn't have an infection. They said, sometimes you have a fever when you milk comes in. Really? I didn't have that last time.

This is the 2nd day of my breasts completely filled with milk and they are solidly rock hard. I hope it will resolve in the next day or so. It's not only very uncomfortable, but it is a painful reminder that I should be feeding my baby right now, but I'm not.

11-29-11 RIP Baby Boy

2011-12-02T15:06:00.001-08:00

I gave birth to my son on 11/29 after 18 hours of induction. They first tried the foley bulb, which after 12 hours, only helped my cervix dilate to 1.5cm. So they finally gave me the pill, which they wanted to avoid because of my c-section scar. They were afraid it would thin out my uterus at the scar site.

The pill worked very well. It dilated my cervix to 4-5cms in 6 hours. After that, I was getting pretty painful contractions every 5 mins... and so I requested for some IV pain meds, which helped take the edge off. I could still feel the climax of the contractions and still had to breathe through them. But I decided from the very beginning that I did not want to have an epidural. I wanted to experience natural birth, and I wanted to avoid all the numbness, need for a catheter, and possible spinal injury with epidurals.

Things progressed pretty fast after this. Contractions got more and more painful, my breaths are now more like groans, and the pain meds were not helping at all. The nurse strapped a contraction monitor on me to see for herself how fast they were coming.. about 3-4 mins.

Half and hour later, I knew it was time to push as I felt a "drop" and my contractions became unbearable to the point where I was crying now. I screamed for my husband to grab a nurse. At this point, everything became a blur. My hands and feet were tingly and numb, I could not keep my eyes opened because of the pain, I was swinging my head left to right crying "I need a doctor!! I need a doctor now!!!"

All I remember was hearing a group of doctors telling me it's time to push. My body was there, but my mind was not. I was in so much pain that I was having an out of body experience. I could hear them, and hear myself scream, but I didn't know what was going on and could not control myself. They told me to push and I said "I can't, it hurts to much!" They said it would feel better if I did... so I tried with labored breathing, which was not very effective.

They told me to hold my breath while I pushed, so I found some self control and pushed as hard as I could. I felt the head coming out and my vagina being in the most pain I've ever felt in my life and I screamed sooooo loud. We waited until the next contraction before I pushed out the body and immediately after that I found relieve.

They handed me my tiny little baby boy, whose eyes were still infused, skin was translucent, but as beautiful and perfect as ever. I balled. This was my baby. My baby. My beautiful baby. He had a pulse, but could not breathe, and will not live. I cried and wailed and let myself be consumed with emotions. They cleaned the baby up and got him ready for me to bond with him, and told me to push some more for the placenta to come out.

He was perfect. 22 weeks old, 1 lb. 3.4 oz, and 11.5 inches long. My time spent with him was peaceful. I observed his face, his little hands, long legs, and cute little feet and toes. His little peach fuzz of hairs on his head and long nails on his fingers. I said sorry to him many many times, and that I'll miss him a lot and kissed him on the forehead. The nurse took pictures of us and took him away. I'll never see him again. I've lost a son. Nothing can ever replace that. Having my first child doesn't make it any better. Getting pregnant again doesn't make it better either. This boy is gone. My child is dead. I'll never get to know him, see him grow up, hold him again. He's gone. It's not just a miscarriage. I have 2 children and one is dead. All I can do now is grieve for him... miss him a lot and try to continue living my life.

After the birth, I was shivering uncontrollably. Most likely from the adrenaline and all the meds, but I was really really really cold. They mentioned that I did not lose a lot of blood during the delivery, but after everything was done and over with, I started bleeding a lot. I called the nurse, but I didn't get a quick response and started to panic because at this point, I can feel myself hemorrhaging. The nurse came in and saw my soaked bed and called several doctors urgently. She pressed on my uterus to show them how much blood was gushing out and blood actually shot out on to one of the doctor's shirt. They talked about a possible D&C surgery to scrape my uterus clean. I was now on full on panic mode and pleaded to them that I did not want to lose my uterus, so please help me. They scanned me via ultrasound and was pretty sure that there was no left over placenta remnants in there. They said my bladder was incredibly full and sometimes that can prevent the uterus to contract properly so they released my urine through a catheter. They gave me more medication to help my uterus contract through a shot, and then two pills through the rectum, and then I had pitocin via IV. They took my temperature and realized I had a fever too, which explains why was I was so cold but felt so hot. I had an infection, which could also prevent my uterus to contract properly. They sent my placenta to be tested for bacteria to see if I was already contracting an infection before my induction and just didn't show any signs of it.

The nurse kept a close eye on my bleeding the following night to make sure I was healing on track and I was. I was discharged the night after that, since I was walking around fine, and my bleeding was completely normal. I was so glad I didn't need a D&C and my reproductive organs are still intact... and hopefully not damaged.

2011-11-27T23:30:00.000-08:00

I'm probably getting an infection since the upper edges of my uterus seems to be sore and tender to the touch.. but I have no fever, no foul odor, etc. Tomorrow is my induction date anyways so I'm waiting cautiously instead of going to the emergency room. I hope out of this utterly horrible experience that I at least get to keep my reproductive organs.

2011-11-23T15:22:00.000-08:00

Day before Thanksgiving and I can't believe I'm doing research on funeral homes and premmie urns.

We've had further appointments with the perinatologist and the prognosis has not changed. They pretty much said it's up to me, but the reality is that this baby, if it survives birth and the NICU, will be 99.9% special needs. Since my water broke during the crucial time for proper lung development, this baby's lungs most likely have never developed.

So, I regret to state that my induction date is 11/28/11. I will deliver my baby boy at 22 weeks. I don't know what else to say but I'm incredibly scared, besides other intense emotions, and I don't know how to handle it all at this point.

20 week update -PPROM due to Subchorionic hematoma

2011-11-17T20:02:00.000-08:00

I've stopped updating for a quite a while... mostly because I wanted to remain in denial about my condition, my doomed pregnancy.

I'm a little over 20 weeks now and just found out a couple of days ago that my water had broken. I figured it broke at 17 weeks because that is when I began noticing daily watery discharge/flow along with my usual brown bleeding. My water level is a bit lower than 2cm right now and my options are to terminate or carry on with an extremely high risk of a severely disabled preterm child.

Conflicted is an understatement of where I am right now... looking around forums and support groups helps only a little. This post moved and affected me a lot, so I'm pasting it to keep as a reminder.

"A person needs to decide if they can handle a child that may wind up having severe problems throughout their lives that you would not even want to live with if that child does make it. Or you need to think can you handle all the loss hope and heartbreak if you carry to a viable age and your babies lungs do not develop and that child dies at birth? Though yes, their is that 10% for a healthy child.. you need to decide and understand most of us are not that 10% and if the child did live, would that be the life you would want for your baby, possible ceribral palsey from most likely being very preterm, organ or brain damage, any kind of severe deformities, lung malformations? I die inside every day, without my daughter, but I would not have wanted her to struggle with a life I would not have wanted to live. I made my decision not to soon, but because I could not bare the thought of watching my child suffer. So instead, I suffer to be without her. "

8-10 weeks

2011-09-07T19:35:00.000-07:00

Not much has changed in these few weeks.

Bleeding got substantially worse at the 8th week ...bled heavily Sat, Tues, then Weds morning to where the blood soaked through my pants and heavy absorbency pad and onto my driver's seat as I was on my way to the hospital. Doctor said the hematoma has grown and he was worried about my heavy bleeding and took my blood count. Anemia was negative. Then he took my HCG again but didn't mention why. He said it was normal so I didn't bother asking.

9th week, went in for my weekly scan and progesterone injection. He sent me to the image center to get a better picture of the hematoma because he was worried about the masses that are forming in there. He was worried about a molar pregnancy. The scans showed nothing alarming. Just blood getting older and more solid. They finally gave me a measurement of the hematoma. It was 6.9cm x 5cm x 6cm, and considered large. But good news was that I was actually not bleeding or spotting. I had been clear for 2 days and continued to be clear for another 3 days. Baby was measuring to be about 10 weeks.

Until at around 10 weeks, started brown spotting again but nothing too significant. Just really dark old blood.

My next appointment is on Friday when I'm 11 weeks. Hoping to hear hematoma shrunk.

In limbo: 6 - 7 weeks

2011-08-11T16:19:00.000-07:00

The HCG taken at 5w6days measured at 17,000, which meant it doubled in 4 days. Pretty standard, and the reason why we saw a heartbeat (it's visible after HCG reaches 12,000). I got the news on Monday, but the day before that, I had another bad bleeding.

We went to the in laws for a niece's birthday party, and I had helped lifted a wooden bench out of the car into the residence. Couple hours later, in the car, I felt some discharge, so I wiped and out came the tissue with red blood. Devasted. More blood came out on to my pantyliner, which is soaked at this point, with what looked like some stringy stuff. All bright red. Of course, I'm miscarrying right?

So Monday when I got the HCG results, I asked the nurse over the phone about the bleeding and she told me that I could be seen if I wanted to, but the best thing is to wait a few days.

I figured if I was miscarrying, there's not much to be done anyways, so I stayed home because of the news...and because I was having really bad nausea/indigestion all day.

I went back to work the next day and the bleeding slowed down to spotting and eventually turned brown. This miscarriage is certainly taking it's sweet time.

Wednesday night, I took my toddler upstairs on a piggyback ride, then immediately afterwards, I started to bleed and cramp. I sat on the toilet and red blood kept dripping out, filling the bowl. Surely it was starting now. I laid in bed the rest of the night, preparing for some cramps and more blood, even texted my boss that I wasn't going to be in the next 2 days as I was miscarrying again.

In the middle of the night, I woke up to pee and had an incredible urge to hurl. I sat over the toilet thinking the worst was coming, but nothing came out. So I hovered over the sink to try to vomit, but only dry heaved a few times. Then the hot flash followed. My whole body was HOT. My back and my tailbone were drenched. I was so scared that I was going to pass out. But nothing happened.

The next morning, the bleeding slowed down again. This time I called the OB for an appointment because I wanted to know what was happening. In situations like this, they usually just tell you "well, most women bleed at some point in their pregnancy and all could be well." But I know I wasn't one of those women. I'm not that lucky.

So in comes the doctor with the ultrasound machine and starts the exam. At this point, I'm about 6w3days a long. He finds the gestational sac and takes a couple of turns until he finds the embryo... its heart beating away. It's measuring at around 6w6days or 7weeks. But... right next to the sac, he points out to me a large black mass of blood, the source of my bleeding.

What the hell is this??? A blood clot, also known as Subchorionic Hematoma. The clot can be resolved by either bleeding out, or being absorbed back into the body over slow progressive period of time. The risk is that the blood clot may take up the room necessary for healthy fetal growth, thereby slowly killing the fetus. The pregnancy is 50/50 at this point, no one can tell.

He gave me a shot of progesterone injection to "calm the uterus". Although he only recommended no sex, I voluntary put myself on bedrest as well. I took these two days off anyways. I'm staying off my feet as much as possible. Today, I have very little spotting. Will go back in a week to get another scan and another shot of progesterone.

5 weeks bad news... 6 weeks better news

2011-08-05T18:32:00.001-07:00

Last week at 5 weeks pregnant, I had a pretty bad bleed after sex that was bright red and looked like the start of a period. I thought that was it. Bleeding had always been the first sign of a miscarriage. Went in for an ultrasound the next day, we saw a gestational sac but no embryo. According to my dates and previous HCG levels, there should have been an embryo. So we took another HCG level to make sure it's not an ectopic pregnancy and to see where the it was heading, although fully expecting it to be a miscarriage.

After the appointment, I have had constant spotting. Brown spotting. Little bit on my panty liner, and a little bit when I wipe. Sometimes it's pinkish. And sometimes, it's a big clump.

Next day, they called with my HCG results: 8,500. 4 days ago, it was 3,326. It doubled in 3 days.

So they booked another ultrasound appointment to double check everything.

4 days later... today... a huge surprise appeared on the ultrasound monitor: an embryo with a heartbeat! Measuring at exactly 6 weeks. My dates say I'm 5w5day today.

I still have minor pregnancy symptoms but not as much as week 2 or 3. Heartbeat is a good sign, but my first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage after seeing a heartbeat at 9 weeks so... we're hopeful but not too much.

Took another HCG test today, will get results on Monday... and will book another scan for next week too.

DPO 13. First day of missed period.

2011-07-20T21:39:00.000-07:00

DPO 13 at 9:30pm

Another journey....

2011-07-17T13:56:00.000-07:00

Our daughter is now 21 months, and we've been trying again for the past 5 months. No success... not sure what's wrong since the last 3 pregnancies were instant.

Anyhow we finally got a positive this month. We're not investing any emotions in this just yet... (learned from experience), so here is just a very matter of fact post.

Picture taken DPO 9 at 2pm (7/16/11)

Life is great, but awfully busy with a newborn

2010-01-08T10:53:00.000-08:00

It's hard with life moving along to maintain blogs, but how I wish I had. It's wonderful to look back at how Lara developed... and me... how I grew as a mom. I am keeping a calendar with notes on Lara's new developments for each day, but no narrative of my feelings or reflections. Shame.

Lara's 3 months old already. She's getting so big, physically and developmentally. She's 4ozs away from 12lbs! I suspect she's going through another growth spurt, even though she had one last week, because she's waking up twice a night once again.

She's been only waking up once for the past few weeks. Mommy's a zombie again. She's now also giggling, smiling, talking, blowing bubbles and raspberries with her lips, tracking everything that moves with her eyes, and is just so incredibly aware of everything. So much fun to be around. Every little thing she does is amazing... even when she poops, it's a big ta-da. I finally understand and appreciate fully why first born are always so spoiled! I can't help myself but think she's just the most amazing thing in the world... everything is the best, no other baby compares... sheesh I'm raising myself a big brat, aren't I? I can't help it!

2009-11-10T19:54:00.000-08:00

I'm beginning to realize how high of a pain tolerance I have.

1. Managed to make it to 7cm dialated before going to the hospital to get "checked".
2. Breastfeeding (MORE PAINFUL THAN LABOR ..ok not really.. but close)... toughed it out until magically it stopped hurting after only 2.5 weeks.
3. Stopped taking pain medicine for c-section surgery after only 5 days. And walked, bent over, did chores after 9 days.

Ironically, I will squeal when I get papercuts.

Finally. My labor story!!

2009-10-13T19:08:00.001-07:00

I had a birth plan written, but that never came to play. Nope. Once you're in labor, anything goes.

First of all, this was my first birth and my plan was to go to the hospital near 4cm dialated and to get the epidural at 5cm. Praying to have a vaginal birth because I'm deathly afraid of being cut open.

How it started:
I had my first real contractions midnight on Wednesday. They came about 10 mins apart the entire night. I know they were real because they felt a little painful compared to the braxton hicks I've been getting. But they were still not unbearable. I set up my ipod's stopwatch and excitedly timed every contraction that night. Even updated my facebook.

Everyone got all excited thinking that Thursday was the day. I woke up, walked around, and contractions simmered to only coming once every 20 mins, then 40mins, then an hour.

At this point, everyone thought I was in false labor.

How it dragged:
Midnight rolled around again. I experienced contractions 15 mins apart the entire night, and they were a little bit more painful. Kept timing them, and got really disappointed when they would not get closer together.

Progress assured:
Friday morning came, contractions went back to only 20 mins apart. I had a regular OB appointment scheduled for today, so I was happy at least that I could get an internal. Doctor checked me and got us really excited. She assured us that if the contractions were painful - even if just a little - they were not braxton hicks. Even though they did slow down with change of activity, they were not braxton hicks. Labor sometimes starts and slows down. But I was in early labor, in fact, 2cm dialated, 70% effaced, and baby was at -1 station. Doctor says "Good cervix, for a first timer!"

So, of course we had to ask, "when?" Doc says as we expected, "you could never tell, but soon, anyday now."

But it continued with no end in sight:
We went home, hopeful, and still timing my contractions. Friday night, they came at 8 mins apart. Woke up and they were 10-15 mins apart, and were getting pretty painful. I had to sit down for these and started to concentrate on relaxing and breathing. I kept thinking and saying to my husband that something's not right, they tell you that if you have to stop your activities and concentrate on breathing, that that's when you're in active labor and you should go in. So I called labor and delivery explaining to them my situation, but all they would say is, "we want you to come in only when your contractions are 5 mins apart for at least 1 or 2 hours."
I said, but "I'm doubled over in pain, and I can barely breath through them anymore?? Isn't there anything I or anyone can do?" I'm sure they thought I was just a wussy. I mean how many pregnant ladies go in there every day screaming and wailing for pani meds when they're only 1 or 2 cms?

She said, "it's cruel isn't it? but take a warm bath, and just breath. We can probably give you some drugs so you can sleep, but to be admitted, you would need to be in established active labor."

So I gave up the idea of going in... and thought I would just labor at home with no end in sight and in constant pain. Everytime a contraction came, especially at night when I tried to sleep, I would jolt out of my seat (I'm can no longer lay in bed now it's that bad), and start to pant and moan in pain.

Funny thing is, because my contractions were so far apart still, my husband thought I was probably only near 3cms and was just being really overly dramatic lol. I actually thought so myself! I was thinking, I can NOT believe that this is still early labor. How much more painful is this going to get before I can go to the hospital and get some relief?? I really didn't think I was going to last another night.

Well, Saturday night came. Holy crap the contractions were so bad, my body was convulsing and spasming. I no longer had the ability to even breath. They were coming every 6 to 8 minutes, lasting at least 1 minute. I stayed in the recliner to try to sleep as I have not been able to for 5 days straight now. Then stayed in a warm bath for 2 hours. At midnight, the contractions were finally at 5-6 mins apart. I told my husband and he finally agreed to take me to the hopsital (it's 30 mins away). I got up to get ready, and the stupid contractions went back to 10 mins apart!! LOL It was so frustrating! I told him, "please take me anyways, I really can't do this anymore. Just be fully prepared to have them send us home. But I really want to be checked."

So off we went.

We got to the parking lot, I was fully anticipating my husband to drop me off at the entrance and to get me a wheelchair. He pulls into a parking space and goes, you can walk.

I said, that's SO CRUEL!!! As you can see, he thought I was still too early and needed to use gravity to help her out. So, I actually walked to the entrance. But then I refused to walk all the way to labor and delivery which was a thousand million miles away especially when you're in pain. Plus, I said, if you walk casually into L&D, there's no way they'll admit you. You need to be in some serious pain. He agreed to wheel me up.

Labor and delivery:
I got wheeled in, a little nervous at how the staff would react because I looked perfectly fine. At that point, I only had contractions every 10 mins and could actually talk through them. They were not impressed lol. They took some time finding my file, and asked "were you here yesterday?" No! What does that mean?

But anyways, the nurse took me in a private room, hooked me up to a contraction and a heart beat monitor. We were casually still talking about what it takes for me to get admitted... and that 3 ladies have already been sent home that night because they were only at 1 or 2 cms. Then she proceeded to check my cervix. "Oh, wow, lady, you're definitely staying tonight. You're at 7cm!"

My husband and I looked at each other... in complete shock. I was of course relieved. My husband now super excited to meet his little girl. The nurse said "You fooled all of us! Came in here all calm and perfect, but you're at 7cm. The other ladies were kicking and screaming and were only at 2cm!"

I fooled myself! If I had stayed at home that night, I probably would have been pushing in the morning at home.

So it was time to decide if I should get any pain meds. Husband said "you've made it this far already..." So I waited a little bit.. until I got really really nervous about the pain during pushing, and opted to get it. An hour later, I was hooked up. It took 3 tries, but I didn't feel any pain and got immediate relief. I was not able to sleep because my body has been in complete shock and sleep deprived for 5 days. Everytime I would fall asleep my body would convulse.

Then the scary part:
Here's where things started going wrong though. I did not make much progress after getting the drug. The nurse came in every hour to check and I was stalling. She even broke my waters and that didn't do very much. I was stuck at 8cms for 4 hours.

During this time, the epidural got more and more effective, to the point where I could no longer feel my legs or move them. An hour after they last checked me at 8cms, the nurse for the next shift came to check and voila, I was complete. She asked if I felt any urge to push, or any pressure in my rectum... I said no. She did an internal and told me to push, I tried. She felt no movement. I'm completely numb - up to my pelvis.

The baby's head was already trying to squeeze through, as we could see on the heart monitor (she was beating a little erradictly). The anesthesiologist came to lower my dosage but told me it would take at least 1 to 2 hours for it to leave my system.

I asked the nurse if that was a concern because baby is already trying to come out?? She said "sure. she looks ok. Heartbeat is fine." Then told me to turn from the right to the left side for some reason I can't remember. Immediately, baby's heart rate dropped from 120 to 50. Nurse didn't say anything but gave me an oxygen mask and told me to put it on and breathe very deep breaths. The rest happened all too quickly and so I don't quite remember all the details.

Suddently another nurse walked by and asked if we needed help. The first nurse said "Yes, can I please have some help?" 5 more nurses showed up.

Baby's heartbeat would not stablize. They turned me on my right side, then on my left side. Then the heartbeat monitor came loose. We got no heartbeat. My husband's in a major panic attack and almost passed out. A house doctor came in because my doctor was in surgery. They did so many different things to try to get baby's heart rate to stablize. My responsiblity was to breath very deeply, so I focused on that. All of a sudden the house doctor tells me I need to start pushing. So with all my might and strength, I pushed. And pushed. And pushed. "Am I doing it right? is there any progress?"

"You're doing fine, let's do it again with the next contraction." So we did this 2 or three times. Until my backup doctor finally arrived who was stuck in traffic. He took at look at our progress and said "I think we're going to have to go the other route. This is going to take too long and stress the baby even more." I said "you mean, c-section?" "Yes." "Right now??" "Yes, my dear, right now!" At that moment, since I had the impression that it was a life or death situation, I thought they were going to put some general numbing medicine on my belly and cut me up right then and there. I was so scared! But they wheeled me to the surgery room and had time to prep me.

I kept asking questions like "is this going to hurt? am I going to feel the knife?" Ironically, at no point did I ask if baby was ok because I knew (probably from watching so many delivery shows on tv) that baby was going to be fine as they have the best equipments and have probably dealt with these emergency situations many times before. When my husband finally came in, I held his hand really tight and started to cry. I had an incredible urge to hold the nearest nurse's hand on my other side, but didn't.

The procedure wasn't too bad... I just felt a whole lot of pulling and pressure. They got her out in no time and she was so healthy and beautiful. Everything went without a glitch. Except the drug. I don't know if they keep giving me too much or what, but towards the end when they were stitching me up, I had trouble breathing and my chest got really really heavy. I had to take the oxygen mask off to be able to breathe. I kept asking if this was normal, I didn't get a straight answer. But the anesthesiologist lowered my medication... and I finally figured that the meds went too far up my body to my chest. I was getting so freaked out.

Anyways... scary part over, and now I have a very beautiful healthy girl. She's so perfect. This is my long labor story. Even through all the pain, and the scary parts, I'm ready for the next one.

Baby girl's stats:
Born October 5, 2009
9:03am
7lbs 8oz
19.5 inches long

Progress

2009-10-02T23:18:00.000-07:00

So what happened since yesterday morning.

Had a show.

Contractions slowed to about once an hour. Until about 12am. Started having regular contractions again 12 mins or so apart. I slept through the night, while waking up to most contractions. They were not too bad.

Got up this morning at 8am... contractions slowed to 20 mins apart... then 30 mins.

Had my regularly scheduled 40 weeks doctor's appointment... checked my cervix, voila! I'm in early labor. 2cm dilated, 70% effaced, and at -1 pelvic station. She said "good cervix esp for a first timer".

yay!!! "Could be any day now, your husband could help speed things up."

So, went home. Contractions were about 30 mins apart still. Had hubby "help".

Immediately, contractions came 20 mins apart for 2 hours and became a whole lot more intense. Wow it worked??

Since they were still pretty sparse, we decided to head out to a friend's birthday party. Nothing much progressed... until I got home... it's about 11:30pm right now and my contractions are coming 10 mins apart, and getting even more intense. I may just need to lay down with these contractions because the backaches are bad.

Bloody show

2009-10-01T09:43:00.000-07:00

I think that's what I'm seeing this morning. Bloody mucus.

More contractions

2009-10-01T01:04:00.000-07:00

Couldn't sleep because 1. she's punching me nonstop, 2. more contractions!!

11:30, 11:35, 11:45, 12:01, 12:14, 12:34, 12:45.... they are starting to get a bit more than just "uncomfortable".

I better try to get some sleep.

I've also been peeing every hour too.

Another contraction

2009-09-30T22:43:00.000-07:00

10:44pm another quick contraction. This time I felt a dull ache in my back.

Progress?

2009-09-30T22:32:00.000-07:00

Went for a 30 min walk with hubby today at 7pm. My body especially hip and lower back ached all over because, well I'm carrying 27 extra pounds!! and I'm so stiff lately.

Soon after, I've noticed a bit more Braxton Hicks... didn't pay any attention to them. Until 8:20pm a contraction, 8:30pm a contraction, 8:45pm a contraction. Well, is this a pattern starting??

No. After the 3rd one, nothing.

Until 9:45pm another Braxton Hicks. I think they are starting to get a little bit more intense (or is this wishful thinking??) and I get headaches with each one. How odd is that? I'm watching the clock, hoping for another one... nothing.

10:35pm just now, another contraction. This one was a quick one, not even 10 seconds, but it felt stronger.

Come on, contractions, stop teasing me!

Still pregnant

2009-09-29T21:45:00.000-07:00

Still no signs of labor. I'm getting more Braxton Hicks ... maybe once every hour or every two hours. I wouldn't call them regular, but I do notice them coming more. Oh, having one right now.

Went for a 20 min walk today in really nice weather. Will continue to do so tomorrow. My back/shoulder hurt because all sleeping positions are uncomfortable. They're all tense. Also getting constant mild sinus headaches. I'm tired. Come on baby.

39 week check up

2009-09-25T14:11:00.000-07:00

Well - I guess I didn't gain much at all??? The scale at the doctor's office indicated only a 6oz gain from last week. I weighted myself at home and it's true... not much gained. This is weird because 3 days ago, I was 2lbs heavier. Was this water retention?

Well, baby is still about 7lb ish... not too big. Doctor's not concerned about her size. He said I was measuring 37 inches... not sure what that means.

Her head has dropped really low in my pelvis, but she's still not engaged. My cervix has not ripen, no dilation, no effacement. I'm still getting frequent but irregular braxton hicks that are not painful. But, I have not made any progress. Doctor said to keep my appointment for next week... which is my due date!

Growth spurt!!!

2009-09-22T21:03:00.001-07:00

I knew I was getting bigger by how much my skin was peeling and itching, just didn't know how much.

Baby had a huge growth spurt in just 3 days! Look at my belly!

38 weeks

2009-09-19T11:05:00.001-07:00

I swear I felt baby swim towards my pelvis last night. She continued to headbutt my bladder for several minutes until I had to use the restroom. So based on that, she might have dropped just a little.

Took a picture and I think that may be confirmed:

Also, take a good look at my ever expanding stretchmarks... my badges of honor.

Doctor said she's estimated to be about 7lbs right now.

37 week check up

2009-09-14T21:22:00.001-07:00

Just got back from my 37w2d check up... this time the doctor checked my cervix. Nothing!

Baby hasn't dropped, no effacement, dilation, nothing. Not a thing!

It'll happen when she's ready, but I hope soon because she's getting too big and putting too much pressure on my lungs or some other critical organs, even though I'm carrying quite low. Speaking of which, every stranger guesses a boy and asks if I'm due any minute. HA, 3 more weeks! Joke's on me I guess.

I'm getting a lot more braxton hicks lately but all very random. Sometimes I notice it happens when my bladder's a bit full, and when the baby is moving too much... or if I'm laying in a weird way. They don't hurt and aren't really that uncomfortable, unless my bladder is involved. Then for 30 seconds, it feels like my bladder is going to explode.

36w1d

2009-09-06T08:18:00.001-07:00

36weeks

Lots of stretchmarks under belly but you can't see it in pictures. *sigh*

35weeks

2009-09-02T22:11:00.000-07:00

I missed the 35 week photo :( Here's a 35 week and 3 days.

Look at it compared to 22 weeks... this is the same dress. Whew~

Second 3D ultrasound

2009-08-28T14:52:00.000-07:00

So, spur of the moment, but we decided to take a risk and pay for another 3D ultrasound. After 32 weeks, the baby usually drops really down into your pelvis giving you a 50/50 chance of being able to see a clear picture of her face. Well we did! It was so worth it! Actually was better than the 26 week ultrasound.. since she would not move her arm out of the way, and since she was a lot smaller, the images were more unclear.

We think she has my nose and her daddy's lips. :) SO excited to meet her!

Also, she was measuring at 37weeks 3days. I'm supposed to be 34weeks 6days. She's huge!

34 weeks

2009-08-24T17:58:00.000-07:00

34 weeks

My right foot is really swollen!

33 weeks

2009-08-15T16:40:00.003-07:00

Well, I missed taking the 32 week photo. Oops.

Here's 33 weeks and I don't look that much bigger.

Symptoms this week: very tired. baby is hiccuping everyday. my upper back hurts. dizzy. light headed, then heavy headed.

2009-08-12T22:09:00.000-07:00

Oh, I've been slacking.

Well, here's a 31 week picture. I am 4 days late to take the 32 week one. Oops.

I'm growing outwards and not much upwards. Baby seems to have gone down a bit actually because I feel her really really low in my pelvis and I've been needing to pee more than before.

Other complains - my upper back hurts from carrying this big gut, my feet have begun to swell near the toes and balls of feet, also I'm starting to get extremely tired again.

Baby is moving a lot - and a lot stronger. You can see from the outside of my shirts her jiggling from side to side. Her movements are beginning to hurt as a matter of fact. I enjoy every one of course.

We recently had 2 baby showers from both of our works. They were so wonderful and we were showered with many many gifts from an electric swing to butt creams to handmade blankies!

On preparations - I've been reading a lot on labor, natural and attended a class on anesthesia. I have a much better idea of what I would like for my birth plan, and have a goal of not getting an epidural until 5 cm dialated. (we'll see!)

No, I have not packed my hospital bag and no, the nursery is not finished! So much to do and there's only 7 weeks left. Yikes.

30 weeks

2009-07-26T15:26:00.001-07:00

Huge!!!

29 weeks

2009-07-18T21:22:00.000-07:00

29 weeks:

wow another week! another inch!

She's not moving any higher, but definitely growing outwards.

This week, I'm sewing baby wipes, burp cloths, and finishing up her crib bumper... while I'm still mobile.

activities

2009-07-17T23:23:00.000-07:00

Could it be that icy cold glass of peach ice tea or the mountain high plate full of BBQ I had for dinner that's keepnig baby up?? She's been squirming, rolling and jabbing in the midsection non-stop, honest to god, NONSTOP for over 30-45 mins. It's 11:25 pm!! She's seriously making me tired.

She actually has been super active today all day. Beginning in the morning 6am, jabbing me while I was lying sideways - trying to tell me something hun? Then every 30 mins or so I notice her little kicks. She might have fell asleep for a little while in 15 min intervals, but by 6pm, she poked, stretched, yanked, jabbed my belly muscles all the way until probably 8pm. for 2 hours, nonstop. And now she's at it again lol

Is mommy eating too much sugar? Uh oh. :)

28 weeks

2009-07-15T22:19:00.001-07:00

I'm getting lazy with posting huh?

Well quite a few "exciting" things happened in the last week.

Friday night, my 35 lb nephew body slammed on to the top of my belly and made me freak out the entire night and then the entire day the next day that my baby is slowly dying from placenta abruption that was internally bleeding so I couldn't tell externally. (I wasn't bleeding or having any contractions). Baby girl was having a relaxing day I guess and wasn't as active as she was the day before, so I thought that was the "decrease in fetal movement" that so many people warn you about in the 3rd trimester. It's quite scary having your first child with no previous experience to compare with!!!

But Sunday came and she was more active than ever.

Fast forward to today - what can I do to freak myself out again? Been too calm for 4 days. Let's log on to babyandbump.com (pregnancy forum) and look at some of the 3rd trimester threads. Well - 3rd time this week that someone's had a fullterm stillborn - for apparently no reason at all. They all noticed decreased fetal movements the day before their babies grew wings. So now I'm obsessively monitoring my baby's kicks and rolls - to the point where it's unhealthy.

Please baby - be a good girl and just stay put with NO complications for another 10 weeks and come out healthy. Please please please. Being pregnant is so stressful!

Oh, I gave in and officially started a baby kick count chart. Everyday around 8 or 9pm, I will jot down the beginning and end time that it takes baby to kick me 10 times. Today, it took her 18 mins. This is after I excited her with a cold glass of OJ. I'm exhausted now and need to call it a night.

Here's a 28 week belly pic I took on Sunday (a day later than usual):

In the past few days I've been feeling really heavy and out of balance. My feet are starting to swell as well. Not too noticeable by sight, but I know because my shoes start to feel small! My belly circumferance measured 35" a couple of days ago. I think it's growing about an inch a week. Also, my skin on belly started getting pink in the past few weeks, like it's slighly sunburned. I believe this is from the stretching. No itchiness just yet, and still no stretch marks. But I do have a huge patch of light skin surrounding the belly button - that I have no clue what it is. Will have to ask OB.

Third trimester!!!!!!

2009-07-04T21:59:00.000-07:00

27 weeks today. I'm feeling many changes as I hit this milestone. In need of naps, knees & hip pain, belly feels really thin and stretched out, etc etc. Baby is very very active now (even though she had a lazy day yesterday). She's very kicky in the mornings between 7-12pm, then takes a long nap - sometimes waking up at 2-3 to exercise for a little bit, but mostly waking up at 8pm to do jumping jacks in my belly up until 11pm-12am.

Look at how shiny my belly is!

25 - 26 weeks

2009-06-27T20:37:00.001-07:00

I missed a week of photos last week because we've moved!

25weeks:

26weeks:

Can't believe how big I'm getting. Baby is moving up to my rib cage and so my rib area is starting to get sore. We saw her in 3D today at an ultrasound but she was completely asleep and would not move her arms away from her face. We only got about 2 good pictures. It was still worth it to be able to see her movements and see how much she's grown!

Measurements

2009-06-10T22:12:00.001-07:00

Found my measuring tape today! The highest point of my belly (at this point, my belly button) is 33 inches all around.

I was also weighed at the doctor's yesterday.... 119lb!!!!! I gained 4lbs in 2 weeks. YIKES.

weird pains

2009-06-10T21:52:00.000-07:00

23 weeks 4 days:

Had a cramping type pain on the right side of my upper belly today from 5pm til 8 pm. The uncomfortableness increased with each inhale. It would go away for a couple of minutes, then start cramping again, then turned into a dull ache.

Since it never really intensified or came in any frequency - I'll chalk it up to ligament pulls or growing pains. My tummy has gotten a lot bigger lately.

23 weeks

2009-06-08T20:38:00.000-07:00

Baby is active around 9-10am, 3-4pm, and 8-9pm. I guess it's the after meal effect!

23 week belly:

Regular 22 week belly pix

2009-06-03T19:36:00.000-07:00

Progression:

22 weeks:

Took some regular week to week comparison pictures.

See how the top of my belly is starting to stretch out? It is really uncomfortable. I'm getting more stretching pains from the top of my belly (thinner?) than the bottom (more skin to stretch?)

Baby is also constantly flipping and flopping, and nudging and kicking about. She has so much room to wiggle. I see my tummy bounce sometimes from her moving. <3>

22 week belly

2009-05-30T22:47:00.001-07:00

It's moving up.
I feel uncomfortable sitting sometimes especially after a meal because there's no room for me to curl up. My body is so filled.

We're looking forward to a 3D/4D scan in about 4 more weeks (26 weeks). It won't be for medical purposes so we're paying for it outside of insurance. It'll be worth it to get to see our girl's little face before birth.

21 week belly

2009-05-24T15:02:00.000-07:00

One day late today, but here's my 21 week belly.

Went camping over the weekend and boy was it uncomfortable. Although baby was kicking like crazy on Saturday morning from 6am until at least 9am. Today she's a bit more quite... resting after the trip, most likely.

21 week OB appt

2009-05-22T11:59:00.001-07:00

OB didn't change my due date saying a week or 2 difference is not of concern. She's just going to be a bigger baby. She said at this rate, she might be 8lb full term! ahhhhh. I'm scared.

Nightmares!!!

2009-05-17T09:53:00.001-07:00

I had the most horrid dreams last night...

First, I was bleeding red blood... thought I was miscarrying.Last time I dreamt I was bleeding - I actually miscarried a few days later (6weeks)

Then I dreamt I was stuck in a malfunctioning elevator that just kept going up and down and up and down and making me really really really ill. Was on the phone with the operator and she said "I can't do anything! It's got a mind of it's own!" So I had to try to escape from the top of the elevator while it would stay idle for a second... until it realized I was trying to escape and it would run again - this time, my body was half out of the elevator.

THEN I dreamt I was driving home by myself in a really bad neighborhood and thugs kept trying to chase to mug me. And I got shot in the neck by some thug kid with a air gun???
What a string of horrible horrible dreams.

My 20 week bump and 100th post!

2009-05-16T17:36:00.000-07:00

20 weeks:

Time's finally flying by. I'm half way through this pregnancy.

It's a.......

2009-05-15T20:14:00.000-07:00

PERFECTLY HEALTHY GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPYYYYYYY!!!

She's also measuring ahead at 21w and 1d. According to my LMP, I'm supposed to be 19w6d, so we'll see if my OB changes my due date when I see her next Friday!

Why thank you Jen...

2009-05-11T22:31:00.000-07:00

My coworker decided to announce my pregnancy today by just yelling it out loud in the middle of the hall way. I admitted I was pregnant to her last week since she asked about my belly... but told her I didn't plan on telling anyone unless asked cuz I'm not one to initiate that type of conversation. So this week she saw me walk by and asked if anyone had asked, I said no, so she rolled her eyes and yelled it out loud "P is pregnant!".

THANKS.

I had heads poking out of cubicles staring at me from all the way down the hall, shouting things at me that I couldn't hear, I was so flushed with embarrassment. I am not the kind to attract any kind of attention and now all gazes were on me. "show us your belly!" "No! That's embarrassing!" And I quickly turned away. I don't put on a good show, especially if you catch me off guard. Awkward is my middle name! argh!

But I guess now that the cat is out of the bag, I can wear normal clothes now instead of still trying to "hide" it... even though everyone came clean and admitted that they had their suspicions and were asking behind my back (which I preferred)... I just don't enjoy any kind of attention.

19 week belly

2009-05-09T18:18:00.001-07:00

19 weeks:

Strangers are asking me how far along I am now... and really catching me off guard. But look at how big mah bellah is!

Less than one more week until we can start buying pink frilly things or blue masculine things.

Transition pic from 10w - 19w:

I feel like a trampoline

2009-05-06T20:31:00.000-07:00

I can feel baby bouncing on me! Yesterday it was positioned in a way where I felt it flicking on my bladder and cervix area... I kept feeling like I had to go pee. Today, it's bouncing around the same spot, but near my skin too. Odd sensation!

We received the new doppler yesterday and all is well. Baby's heart is beating and is making a lot of whooshing sounds (moving a lot).

18 weeks belly pics

2009-05-02T12:06:00.000-07:00

Funny from the front I don't look preggos.

18 weeks:

Double takes and whispers

2009-04-29T20:55:00.000-07:00

More people at work are starting to notice my belly. I can tell. They're doing sly glances down "there" when we talk, and are making double takes... or they'll talk really soft... and stop talking and smile when I show up. They're funny. Wonder how long it'll take for them to be brave and ask. I don't mind this because I'm still not ready to be open about it. Soon though.... 2 more weeks until the dating/sizing/gender scan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

16w6d belly pics

2009-04-24T12:13:00.000-07:00

17 weeks:

Sleep is torture. I wake up with the most excruciating back pain around 5am everyday. Body pillow doesn't do much. Also my boobs are soooo painful.

2009-04-23T21:48:00.001-07:00

I'm going to hell for supporting cheap labor and sweatshops but I just bought maternity clothes at wal-mart.com.

Where else am I going to find work pants for $18???? That I will only wear for 6 months!

16w4d I know it's you baby!

2009-04-21T22:48:00.000-07:00

I'm really feeling it tonight! Baby is pushing against my skin right around the area that I just found its heartbeat. It feels like if you were a balloon and there's something trapped inside of you pushing to find an exit. It's so stretchy, wiggly feeling. Go baby go! Work those muscles!

16w2d movements?

2009-04-20T20:34:00.001-07:00

I think I'm feeling baby move... it's squirmy like a little fish swimming in the same spot. It's distinctively different from gas bubbles. It may be!

16 weeks

2009-04-18T12:18:00.000-07:00

Exactly 16 weeks today! Not much of a change in last week's belly size. I think the bumpage might be moving up though. Not much going on except I've been getting a bit tired the past week - probably from the lack of sleep (pain in shoulder/back/hip/etc from having to sleep on the side).

I got a body pillow - it does help but I think in order to rid of the muscle aches I have to stretch them out first. (yoga time).

16 week OB appointment:

Yesterday was the 16 week OB appointment - nothing monumental as I expected. She found the heartbeat (146?) and gave me a order slip for a dating/sizing scan (which will include looking at the anatomy) but it won't be until my 20th week... a whole month from now! A little disappointed, but just as we expected.

I made the appointment for Friday May 15. But I want to know now!!!

Well, I find consulation in the fact that we're in the middle of purchasing a home, so the month will go by in a flash. We have so many appointments scheduled in the next week for inspections, and signing papers, etc. Then the next next weeks will be packing and moving.... so, May will come in no time!

Can't wait to see you again baby!

15 weeks

2009-04-10T18:51:00.000-07:00

Another week! Noticed I haven't been posting almost everyday? No news means good news right?

Doppler's working great - baby's heartbeat is louder ever day. I can hear swooshing around then the heartbeat is gone, so the baby's moving a lot, hiding from the doppler.

I'm growing still - I think the top of my belly is rounding out.

Sometimes I think I feel the movement - like little muscle spasms or my insides rumbling, or two pops of popcorn, but I'm never for sure. Maybe it'll be more recognizable later this week.

Friday is the next OB appointment. I'm definitely going to ask about having the gender scan.... wonder if I have to wait 4 weeks or not :(

15 week belly shot:

14 week belly pics

2009-04-03T17:26:00.000-07:00

I'm growing... growing... and growing...

14 weeks:

Good news!

2009-04-03T17:22:00.001-07:00

We got our first trimester screening results (combines your age, nuchal fold measurements, and blood test to determine risk of chromosome defects) and we’re in the clear! The ratio was something like 1:5,000 for downs and 1:10,000 for trisomy 18. Making a baby is ever so trying… but at least this is another hurdle down and we’re getting a little closer. My next OBGYN appointment is at 16 weeks in 2 weeks time. Hoping for only good news from here on out.

Someone finally asked!

2009-04-02T23:22:00.001-07:00

Omg, totally caught me off guard, but someone asked me if I was pregnant today! A nearby coworker whom I don’t work closely with, so it’s not like she sees me all the time.. but she stops me in front of the bathroom and goes “so, are you??” and makes a belly shape with her arms. I was trying really hard to play it off – like “why? Am I getting fat??”

I’m not ready for this to become public knowledge yet because… well I’m still scared of losing the child. But this totally caught me off guard because I was just looking at myself in the mirror thinking “oh good, my clothes hide my bloated tummy pretty well – no one suspects a thing”… Then the second I walk out the door, I get this ironic question!

Her reasoning was because I’m usually so skinny and lately I’ve been wearing baggier clothing. So I kept saying “well isn’t that what’s instyle?? The flowy tops with empire babydoll waist?” She’s like “noo….. but I won’t ask anymore” cuz I was making her uncomfortable since it was obvious I wasn’t going to admit yet.

But so now I’m mentally preparing myself for more questions as I get a little bigger and bigger each week – to the point where I can’t deny anymore.

Another piece of good news

2009-03-30T19:22:00.000-07:00

I got my culture results back today - I don't have Bacterial Vaginosis. Instead... I have Group B Strep, which is benign throughout your pregnancy and will not be treated until birth since that is when you can transmit to your child. They usually test all women for Group B Strep at 37 weeks. This is good news, but doesn't really explain that weird discharge I got for 2 days. Although it does seem like it's gone away, so... I'll just ignore it for now. My task this month is to eat as much nutrition packed foods as I can - and less feel good foods with no nutrition... oh this will be a challenge.

Doppler is worth every penny <3

2009-03-29T21:19:00.000-07:00

I decided after receiving happy news from the first trimester screening that I was going to rent a doppler. At this point, my sickness is mostly subsided (just bloating and some very minor nausea some times during the day), and my belly sometimes shrinks. It won't be until at least 16-18 weeks that I'll get a real nice bump - so from now until then, there's nothing to reassure me that everything's fine. Well I decided to go with BellyBeats.com (in the US) because they were the only ones that costs the least renting month to month. $45 for a digital doppler which displays the rate of the heartbeat for you so you don't have to sit there and count it. Other places charge you $53 for one month, or $47 for 6 prepaid-months. So I ordered it on Friday afternoon, and to my pleasant surprise, it came Saturday morning!! BellyBeat rocks!

So the first time we tried, it took maybe about 3-4 minutes to find the baby's heartbeat. I had to aim it more towards my pubic bone. The second time (the next day lol), it took about the same time to find it but this time I was aiming more towards my belly button. Baby was pretty active too. :) Oh I'm so glad I got it.

I wonder if those popping sounds are from the baby moving around??

12w6d

2009-03-27T13:23:00.001-07:00

So my sickness in general has been much better starting 2 days ago. I don't have an upset stomach constantly anymore and when I feel nauseous, it's mild, and can be tackled immediately with food. Although, I had a huge preggo brain moment today. I was leaving the house and trying to set the alarm code, and COMPLETELY forgot what the sequence was - even though I type it in daily - and had no excuse... my hubby was like "that's unbelievable!"

Quite interesting.

Also, I can really feel my uterus now. It's very round and very bulgy in my pelvis area, and maybe about an inch above my lady patch. I also have somewhat of a real bump, whoo! During the day a lot of the bump is food and gas, but it's there at night and in the morning too, on an empty stomach. What a great yet strange feeling at the same time. It feels like someone inserted a whoppie cushion in your lower belly and is slowly inflating it. I guess I really notice it because I'm such a slender person and now my belly is being stretched like it's never been before.

Here's a new picture at 12w6d:

Good news!

2009-03-25T21:25:00.000-07:00

Everything looks great! They didn't give us specific measurements, but doctor came in after an hour of the sonogram tech scanning baby's head, abs, bladder, arms and legs, etc etc... she said "everything looks as it should, there's nothing to be of concern" In about a week they'll send us the risk factor (1 out of whatever whatever) after they also get the results to my blood test... so far so good! We're both very young - 26/28... but you never know, since I had two previous unknown m/cs... probably chromosomal defects.

We're so happy that we finally told our family and 2 close friends. It has to be done soon because I'm actually starting to show!!! We're sticking with my LMP as due date, but the tech who measured the baby's crown rump length kept getting 13w1day or 13w6day measurements. So it's a big baby??

I also think it's a boy, but that's just because our families all have boys as first child.

Anyways, here are the pictures!!!!! you can see his/her nose, lips, and chin, how adorable is that???

It's HERE

2009-03-24T19:20:00.001-07:00

Tomorrow is our first trimester screening ultrasound plus blood work! I'm so nervous for the unexpected... but we're both young and have no family history of downs... so, chances should be slim. BUT STILL.

At least it's in the morning. So, wake up, eat, see baby, hear (good) results.

Symptoms:

Oh gosh, I'm still getting nausea at least once or twice everyday.

12 weeks today!!

2009-03-21T21:06:00.000-07:00

I'm 12 weeks! Can't believe and so relieved at the same time that we've made it this far! Never thought we would get here. So glad everything's fine, baby's measuring well, heart's beating great... just have one more hurdle to get over - next Wednesday for the first trimester screening. Hoping for the best outcome.

Took a belly shot this morning on an empty stomach... this is I guess my true belly.

12w empty stomach & no bloat.

Belly shots 11w6d

2009-03-20T17:51:00.000-07:00

10w6d

11w6d

It's sort of an unfair comparison because 10w6d's is on an empty stomach in the morning and 11w6d's is just after a cup of water and a huge pastery... so chalk the roundness to food and bloating... cuz in the morning, it does not look this full.

BOOBS!

They grew out of my prepregnancy bras! I had to buy a bigger size bra today because for the last 2/3 days, I felt so constricted and had to keep unhooking my bra during the day at work. I never even noticed because they looked like they fit fine.

Good news, bad news.

2009-03-20T17:46:00.000-07:00

Bad news first:
I have Bacterial Vaginosis... I noticed it yesterday when a gush of discharge came out and it was an odd dark yellow/tannish color. With all my courage, I took a wiff super close to my nose, and yes it had a bit of a fishy odor. I have no other symptoms like itchiness, etc etc.. but got cultures done today and will get confirmed results next week. Doctor said that there's a very very very very very very very very very small chance of preterm labor in second trimester, so when I get to 2nd tri, she will prescribe me with antibiotics to clear it.

Good news:
She brought in a doppler!!! I was so excited because symptoms were started to fade and I got a little unsure if I was still pregnant or not. So in about 2 seconds of listening, we heard horses galloping! It was baby! The heartrate was at 167, so she said baby was really active at that moment. This is my first time hearing baby's heartbeat, so that was super nice.

I think I will definitely rent one for a month. She found the heartbeat so easily!

11 weeks 5 days

2009-03-19T22:41:00.000-07:00

Heart palpitations are more frequent in the past few days. Worse actually, because coupled with seasonal allergy, I'm getting congested and will start to cough involuntarily. Last night I woke up in the middle of the night unable to breathe because my toncils were swollen and I kept swallowing my uvula (the punching bag looking thing) in my dreams because I was struggling to breathe.

Last couple of days I also had another "scare" as my symptoms appear to be disappearing. Breasts were less tender and seemed less swollen, no morning sickness, although felt a little uncomfortable from gas, and I could no longer feel a firm area around my pubic bone that I believed to be my traveling uterus. Even though I am fully aware that around this time in the pregnancy is when the placenta takes over all hormonal production and therefore, I will start to get relief from the symptoms... you still can never be sure if it's the good reason or the bad reason.

But what are the chances now for me to lose the baby? Good solid heartbeat from 6, 8, then 10 weeks, even saw it wiggle, and it grew right on target, etc. If it doesn't work out, it would have to be because of my body killing it. *sigh* You just never know.

I didn't freak out though this time because - like I told a fellow forum member on babyandbump, symptoms do come and go - observe the progress for a week before committing an emotional response. Well, I did, and today I had nausea again in the afternoon lasting all the way until dinner time. My breasts feel fine as well... tender and swollen.

I hope you're doing well in there little baby. Mommy wants to see you in 7 months... very much.

One small thing I wanted to note: at 4pm today I had a gush of discharge that was dirty yellow in color, almost tan. That freaked me out. Wasn't sure if it was a little brown blood mixed with discharge. So I kept an eye on it for the rest of the day... and a nose too. I have a suspicion that it may be a minor infection. I can never tell. But at least I could conclude by the end of the day that it was not brown blood.

11 weeks 2 days

2009-03-16T21:15:00.000-07:00

My "morning" sickness has taken a turn for the worst. Last night I rolled around in bed with stomach pain, much like an upset stomach, until I had to get up to crouch over the sink and started heaving for the first time ever. Nothing came out, but I did feel a little better after some burps. So, I went back to bed. Several minutes later, the nausea came back and I kind of rolled around until I found a good position where I could ignore the nausea. I know I wouldn't have been able to vomit. I've not barfed once before in this entire pregnancy.

This morning, I woke up feeling fine, until I ate breakfast. I just had bran cereal with raisins, but it’s very unsettling in my stomach and the nausea returned until I had lunch. Couple of hours after lunch, the nausea came back! Nothing helps. Or maybe I'm just supposed to eat all day, every hour? I have no appetite though. Things I enjoyed eating last week are gross this week... like string cheese, yogurt, and toast.

The only thing I noticed is my bloating is going away. Well, just in size, because in actuality, my bloating is probably what's causing all this nausea, i.e. all that gas in my tummy.

Heart palpitations:
I've been having these since Thursday of last week. This morning though, they were so frequent and so noticable that every time my heart skipped a beat or beated an extra beat, I coughed. It was like a weird reflex... since it feels like when you're sick and your chest is congested. I think they were more frequent this morning because my heartrate sped up to 100 beats per minute. Later in the afternoon, it returned to 88bpm. Right now I'm relatively relaxed I guess, beating at 84bpm. You can find your heartrate by counting your pulse (neck or wrist) for 15 seconds, then multiplying that number by 4.

I've read palpitations are quite common in pregnancies because of the increase blood flow and thus your heart working overtime... but sometimes they could mean other more serious conditions that need medical treatment. If I become more worried about them in the next few days, I'll definitely consult my OB and maybe ask for some testing (thyroid and iron).

11 weeks

2009-03-14T13:35:00.001-07:00

Woke up with a flat belly this morning - slept too long - was completely emptied, poor starving baby. As soon as I ate breakfast, I had a stomachache, then had to go to the bathroom. My bathroom habits have been the opposite of what normal pregnant peers go through... not once have I had constipation, quite the contrary really. One other symptom I wanted to note as it's quite obvious to me now, my nipples have gotten darker! And while they are normally inverted, they are now frequently extroverted. Oh, also my nails grow like weeds. I keep them very short because they are normally quite brittle and will bend backwards (OUCH) by accident. I just cut them several days ago and now I notice I have to cut them again.

2009-03-13T22:55:00.001-07:00

In a textbook scenario, my "morning" sickness should start to get better starting this week or the next. I'm still getting sick at least once or twice a day. By sick I mean, some degree of loss of appetite, getting really hungry and eating a big meal that looked great before but completely regretting eating it 10 mins later because it leaves a horrible taste in my mouth and a real unsettling feeling in my tummy, getting a stomachache (I should call them gasmachaches because they're gas induced) while laying down trying to sleep or during sleep in the middle of the night, and I am still fatigued once in a while. Most common are those gasmachaches and loss of appetite, oh and the out of nowhere really hungry feeling that you can't satiate (like I'm having right now).

I'm soooo close to second trimester I can taste it... please please please please please let everything be fine. I want to have this child so bad. My husband and I are dying to meet him/her. PLEASE!

10 week 6 days

2009-03-13T09:53:00.000-07:00

Is it unreasonable for me to still feel extremely nervous about losing this baby even after 3 beautiful ultrasounds with heartbeats and jumping jacks? I woke up in the middle of the night to pee today, I did, but it felt more like routine - like a mentally induced habit now - instead of a real physical need. So does that mean anything? Then I felt my boobs in the morning like I always do if it's not obviously in pain... and they feel a bit smaller.

:( why can't second trimester come sooner.

And I need to stop reading other people's miscarriage stories on forums.

Doppler: to rent or not...

2009-03-12T19:46:00.000-07:00

So at the last doctor's appointment... I asked her opinion on renting dopplers. She said they're fine, except you may not hear anything until 15 weeks and up?

I'm thinking of getting one because from the time your morning sickness begin to disappear (approx. 12 weeks) until you can actually feel you baby move inside of you (20 weeks and up), you have no clue if everything is ok or not... Unless you get a super high power fetal heartbeat doppler!!

Digital ones that tell you the heartrate costs about $40-50 a month. I would probably use it for only 2 months until I begin to feel movement. So... $100? Worth it? And what if it's just one of those days that the baby is hiding from your doppler and you can't find the heartbeat? I would FUREAK. Got to think thoroughly if it's worth it or not, money wise, and mental health wise.

Belly shots

2009-03-10T20:05:00.000-07:00

Well - the first pregnancy, I took shots of my belly every week... until I found out it wasn't going to work. Second pregnancy, I didn't even get a chance to - it ended so quickly. This time, I didn't allow myself to take any in fear of the first time repeating itself. So, I've only taken one picture so far... at 10 weeks, even though my massive bloating was at around 8 to 9 weeks.

It's all just bloating still, because if I haven't eaten in a looong time (on weekends I sleep in), I wake up with a flat belly. But during the day, I have to rubber band my pant buttons together and the tabs are about 3 inches away from each other still. No one noticed my bloat belly because I wear mostly tunics and flowy tops (thank goodness for current fashion), but at times, I can definitely look 5 months pregnant. Whew.

10 weeks (air balloon)

I have no idea why this picture is inverted, I didn't do it.

Pre-pregnancy (bye bye thin curves)

It's moving!!!!!!!! 10w3d scan

2009-03-10T19:42:00.000-07:00

My bean has become a baby!! With arms and legs, and a very visible skull structure! Most exciting part was we saw it dance and hop and doing the body wave! It was SO amazing! This is the first time I’ve seen fetal movement and it was just so incredible to see a living moving being inside of me. Seeing it move definitely substantiated its existence and hopefully continued existence. I’m pregnant! We’ve created a life!

It was measuring 41 mms and at 10weeks 6 days although doctor said give or take about a week due to equipment inaccuracies, so we didn’t change my dates. Heart was beating at doctor’s guess, 150-160 bpm.

Well we're super duper excited, but probably won’t stop worrying until it’s full term and out of me. The next thing to worry about is the first trimester screening in 2 weeks for chromosomal abnormalities. Based on our family history, we shouldn’t have much to worry about, but you just never know.

We got the most amazing scans! They're beautiful and I even have a clear one of it's skull!!! So cool! Hubby said it looks like the Punisher lol. Doc tried to get a profile shot but the babe kept swimming around turning its back towards us. It was soooo cute!

The Punisher?

Baby's frontal head view:

Next scan tomorrow: 10 weeks 3 days

2009-03-09T21:41:00.000-07:00

Just a tad bit nervous about the scan tomorrow because - you just never know and I absolutely hate surprises. I still feel "off" like not quite sick, but uncomfortable in my belly, and there's definitely some loss of appetite. And my boobs are really sore today... not sure if it's because I was in a push-up bra all day. I'm about ready to call it a day though, it's 9:43pm. Not sure if it's because I'm used to it by now, or perhaps my bloating has begun to subside? I don't constantly feel like an air balloon anymore.

Hoping for good news.

More reflections 10 weeks

2009-03-07T10:18:00.000-08:00

I had a relatively normal day yesterday, which is surprising since I've never felt worst the night before that. I was a bit exhausted around 4-5pm so laid around watching TV feeling a little moody. But there was no sickness. I can see now that from past patterns that my "morning" sickness is worst in the evening... probably because I'm tired and need a nap, but not only do I not get one, but this is the time when I return home from work and typically need to use energy to find food for humans and feed/play/take care of the dog and 1 new puppy. I would try to take naps, but I always fall into deep sleep instead and ruin the rest of my night cuz I get so groggy. At least now I have a pattern. Will need to find out how to make it better.

9 weeks 6 days

2009-03-06T10:47:00.000-08:00

Morning sickness symptoms:
Beginning on 9 weeks 1 days, I had this nagging but minor nausea all day, coupled with constant hunger. I'll eat, it'll go away for a little while, then come back. It lasted 3 days. Then yesterday... it went away in the morning, then came back times 3 in the evening. I was supposed to meet my hubby and 2 friends at a restaurant at 7:00pm. At 6, I started losing my appetite. 6:30, nausea kicked in, this time, it was bad enough that I put my head over the sink, thinking maybe something might come out. None. So I canceled the dinner and went to bed at 7:00pm. 7:30pm my stomach was brewing up a storm... like literally. Wind kept passing out of me, it was like an upset stomach again.

Next scans:
On Tuesday (10 weeks 3 days), I'm having my next regular OB scan that I insisted on scheduling because I'm a worried wart. In a way I'm a bit reassured because of all my symptoms so far this week, and my boobs are still growing, but I need to see that heartbeat. Especially since the first miscarriage was at 10 weeks. Although I had zero morning sickness last time.

Two weeks after that at 12 weeks 4 days, I have a first trimester screening where they will check for signs of chromosomal abnormalities. If all goes well, I think this is the point where we tell family. Praying all goes well!!

8 weeks 5 days

2009-02-26T20:45:00.000-08:00

Bloating is insane!! My hubby touched my belly and commented "it feels like if I stuck a needle in your tummy it will blow up"... yup! it's true, I feel like I'm going to explode anyways without the needle!

Well today, I felt completely normal. Not a minute of stomach problems or nausea, and of course my boobs are a little less sore (although still growing)... I even ate a lot of junk food like spicy potatoe chips... ok the only symptom I had, I think, was being constantly hungry (and sore boobs.. oh an extreme bloating).

But I can't help myself and got another scan scheduled at 9 weeks 3 days. Although I think I will postpone it until 10weeks 2 days so it would have been another 2 weeks + of growth. After this milestone, I think I can truly feel comfortable. That would make this the farthest pregnancy yet.

icky 8 week 3 days

2009-02-24T20:48:00.001-08:00

Haven't posted in a while, because not much as happened. But, today I decided to finally cook for my hubby - spaghetti w/polish sausage. I knew I wasn't going to have any because tomato sauce just grosses me out right now. But I didn't know cooking the pasta was going to make me lose my appetite too. Ew. I guess it really reminded me of my recent food poisoning episode which was a result of eating weird chicken spaghetti with hot pepper. *BARF*

So, I took a little nap until my upset stomach went away. Then ate some Asian-ish food that mainly consists of rice, oh that is not settling well with me right now. Better go chew a piece of gum and get that taste out of my mouth.

And I've napped at around 6 or 8 each night this week. Just all of a sudden get the wind knocked out of me and I fall sleep for about 2 hours.

One more thing:
Found out today the 3 antibodies (blood clotting) test I did on February 5 turned out normal.

Getting closer to comfort: 7 weeks 6 days

2009-02-20T20:58:00.000-08:00

yay! Baby grew. We're measuring right on schedule, 7W6D or 8W. Fluttering heartbeat and everything.

This is reassuring. Doc will not see us for another 4 weeks, unless I get anxious again and will book another ultrasound at 10 weeks (they know me so well by now). I'll also be getting the first trimester screening which is I guess the nuchal scan? at 12 weeks.

So far, it's looking good. I also bought my first maternity related item - a belly band. Overnight, my tummy blew up and won't deflate like it used to after passing some wind. I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable right now just sitting in my pjs. I guess it might have to do with the fact that my uterus is now the size of a grapefruit!

7 weeks 6 days

2009-02-20T11:19:00.000-08:00

I think it's a trend. I feel horrible on weekends when I'm home the entire day. Then when I work, I don't feel as sick. Right now, nothing. Of course, it's my first day off from work. So if this really is a trend, then I'll start feeling terrible tonight, and will continue until Monday night.

I'm mentally preparing for the 8 week scan in a few hours. Praying everything is ok. My boobs are larger than ever and I'm peeing very frequently.

HCG on Wednesday= 73,000 approx. (took 5.9 days to double)

Sick

2009-02-16T20:28:00.000-08:00

I feel just gross. I haven't made a decent meal in about 2 weeks because nothing I make sounds good. So I've been having snack types of food like Edamame, toast, crackers, cereal... and bland Chinese wonton soup. Right now, my stomach is upset. I get a brief moment before breakfast in the morning when I feel fine, then after I eat, my stomach gets upset until lunch, feels better for a little while, then is upset all the way until I get in bed. I noticed, driving makes it worst - motion sickness? After some big burps or winds, I get some relief. Gingerale doesn't help, neither does saltine crackers. I think those are for regular pregnant folks with nausea. I have upset stomach! Help!

It comes, it goes...

2009-02-13T21:44:00.000-08:00

It came. I still can't figure out if this is morning sickness, because typically, all I hear from pregnant peers is "I feel nauseous; dry heave; or actual vomit".... I don't feel any of those, except sometimes a tiny bit nauseous. Mostly what I have is digestion discomfort. My stomach felt upset all day today and most of last night. Like something wants to come back up (heartburn/indigestion?). And I have really loose stool (opposite of what typical pregnant women get: constipation).

Is this morning sickness? Or did I eat something wrong?

Oh it feels bad. I HATE upset stomachs. If you go back a couple of pages, you'll see that I DID have a real upset stomach/food poisoning episode not too long ago that lasted 4 days. I threw up 6 times. It's the worst!

I guess I just naturally have a grade D digestive system. Not surprising, my dad (56) was just diagnosed with acid reflux last year. His stomach is in pain constantly.

2009-02-12T11:25:00.000-08:00

I haven't had much morning sickness since the last post. Sometimes my stomach feels a tiny bit upset, but not to that degree before. And then this morning my boobs aren't as tender either. *sigh*.

At least some good news. HCG at 6w3d = 28,664. A little bit more than double in 5 days. I guess at this range, it often takes more than 4 days.

Getting another one done next Monday - 6 days after.
Then next Friday is my 8week scan.

6 weeks 2 days: I think I have morning sickness

2009-02-09T18:38:00.001-08:00

My last two pregnancies, I never ever once felt sick or queasy. This morning at around 10am, I can firmly say I got queasy. The entire morning I had a really upset stomach.. got up feeling so. Kept burping really big burps from really deep inside my stomach... and just sort of got progressively worse. After lunch though, it went away and now I'm totally fine, just a bit gasey.

They're baack...

2009-02-07T21:51:00.000-08:00

pain to the slightest poke!

Cruel but reassuring. Please don't leave anymore, pain in my boobs.

2009-02-07T10:58:00.000-08:00

My little boobs are so small. They're still tender, but not as paintful as past few days.
I got up this morning and stuck around in bed just thinking what I was going to have for breakfast... peanut butter on bagel, scrambled eggs with cheddar, and a banana yogurt smoothie. When it comes to actually putting the food in my mouth, I only have appetite for the smoothie. I ate the eggs, but slowly. The bagel is two bites gone but the rest are still on my plate.

5 weeks 6 days: heartbeat found!!!

2009-02-06T14:45:00.000-08:00

It's a blessing! We found the fetal pole and heartbeat very clearly via internal ultrasound! You can also see that the gestational sac is a very nice rounded sphere too. We're happy. Chances of miscarriage is cut to 10%. Although, we've already experienced this once. My first pregnancy. We saw the heartbeat at 9 weeks and then it stopped growing at 10 weeks. The only thing that is reassuring though is that for that pregnancy, we couldn't see anything at 5 weeks 6 days. There was no yolk sac or fetal pole. So it seems this one may be a little different, and is growing right on schedule.

Vitals:

It was measured at 6 weeks 1 day but give or take a couple of days because it's still so small and hard to measure it accurately.
According to the OB, it was beating at 130 - 140 BMP.
My HCG as of yesterday was 12,644 - it doubled in 3 days.

I'm getting another HCG quant in a week and another scan in 2 weeks.

5 weeks 5 days

2009-02-05T22:06:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is my 6 week scan (close to). I haven't checked my HCG in 3 days, but hopefully it has doubled, which will make it around 12,000. That should be enough to see a heartbeat. So that is what we're praying to see at the ultrasound. I am extremely nervous and emotionally void at the same time.

Today's symptoms include: peeing every hour or two, sore bruised feeling boobs but much more deflated than last week, and a lot of gas after eating sugary or greasy things.

5 weeks 4 days: Prayers answered

2009-02-04T19:17:00.000-08:00

My temp went all the way up to 98.57 today (a 0.4 jump).
I'm content at the moment, but my boobs are so small...

Tomorrow I will get another round of beta done... and also 3 more antibodies tests to check for clotting as requested by the fertility doctor.

Then the next day, I will brace myself for either more disappointment, or reassurance... scanning for a fetal pole and hearbeat.

More worries

2009-02-03T22:25:00.001-08:00

...always worried. What did I tell ya.

I'm still charting my temperature. It's been continually dropping since Saturday (for 4 consecutive days now)... I am still not spotting so either this is within normal progesterone fluctuations, or I'm going to get a surprise miscarriage before the end of the week. Progesterone is what makes your body temperature elevated after ovulation and during pregnancy. Temperature drops indicates mensturation. I'm kind of scared to be at work, so I'm going to keep a close eye on the temps. Really really praying that it will go back up tomorrow.

My boobs are much more deflated but they hurt real bad. Like they're bruised. So I'm a bit confused. Please please please go back up tomorrow.

More with the fertility doctor
Also, my fertility doctor/specialist will NOT clarify my endometrial biopsy over the phone and insists that I go in and see him again, especially in light of my pregnancy. He wants me to redo the blood tests that were messed up before, as they were for to check for clotting... so I will. But he is really pushing my buttons. Everytime I go in to see him hoping for indepth information that caters to me individually, he recites a chapter in a textbook, and I wish he'd never wasted my time. I still want to clobber him. Anyways, I have an appointment next Friday with him.

One more complaint about the fertility specialist!!!

2009-02-02T20:04:00.001-08:00

He is OFFICIALLY THE BIGGEST MORON EVER IN A SUCCESSFUL PROFESSION. He FINALLY called me back after more than two weeks on the results of the endometrial biopsy that he ordered WRONG and had to reorder the test.. luckily they still had the sample. (They tested it for cancer instead of the growth of my uterus lining)... so he leaves a message on my phone the min I stepped away from my desk, of course.

He said "well, it looks like the test result showed your uterus to be at around cycle day 21-22, which we know it does not look good because you did the test on cycle day 25.. oh I mean 24. So you see, there is a 2 day delay in the development of your uterus lining. Typically to do a diagnosis, we will have to repeat one more endometrial biopsy. So call us again when you get another OPK + and we'll have that scheduled."

So as I'm jotting down all this information on to a pad, my heart is sinking because he's telling me I may have a Luteal Phase Defect. I'm currently pregnant. This baby stands no chance.

Then, being the borderline obsessive compulsive analyzer that I am, I put down the dates he mentioned onto my calendar and wait a second !!! I did the test about a week before my period came!! My cycle was 25 days last month.... so how is it that I did the test on cycle day 24!?!? As soon as I got home, I looked on my planner (which I left at home)... uh HUH, I did the freaken test on cycle day 21!!!!!!!!!!

Freaken dumbass!! I want to clobber him on the head with a broomstick! He didn't even bother getting his facts/information straight before he gave his patient the worst news ever? Oh and not to mention making the patient go through another extremely painful biopsy. OMG!!! I'm going to have to call the office tomorrow and talk to a nurse to get this straightened out. Is he ridiculous or what??

A week at a time

2009-02-02T19:59:00.000-08:00

This is what I told my husband after getting some good news from the OB. I did another beta quant early this morning and they were able to get the results by afternoon... HCG went up to 6,414 from 2,153 in 5 days. So it took 3 days to double, which in this range, apparently, is normal. After you pass 1,200, the levels can take up to 4 days to double (on-line sources).

So a glimmer of hope, although I really will not rest until 12 weeks is past. That's 7 weeks away ;_; I'm 5 weeks 2 days today.

Even if we see the heartbeat this Friday (PRAYING TO GOD everyday!!)... I will still worry because the first time, we saw the heartbeat at 9 weeks and then it stopped growing at 10.

We're taking this one week at a time.

No m/c just yet

2009-01-31T20:24:00.000-08:00

I know the ultrasound tech told me that it didn't look very good and I'm likely to miscarry, but my basal temperature is still high, and I'm still having pregnancy symptoms. My boobs are huge and I'm gassy.

Also, my doctor called a little later yesterday after reviewing my ultrasound data, and told me that I was "right on track" and asked if they "told me something bad"? (*ahem* cuz I freaked out immediately after the ultrasound and asked to be seen by the doctor, who's at another location).

I don't know if I can put hope in any of her words because I feel like she's the type that hates delivering bad news and will sugar coat things until the inevitable. I mean, the tech has been doing this for 26 years, AND she was there to see the pregnancy, my doctor probably just saw the data. She said my gestational sac looked flat and irregular. She also said she saw movements outside of the sac, possibly my cervix? Asked if I was cramping - and you know what? In the evening for the past 2/3days, I've been having these dull achy pains in my uterus. They aren't stretching pains. I have a feeling she is right. I hope to God she is wrong, but she's been looking at pregnancies for 26 years... why would she tell me something so grim if she isn't sure?

Oh well. So far, the m/c isn't happening yet. I will get another beta on Monday. See how it's rising/dropping or not doing anything at all, then get another ultrasound on Friday at 6 weeks. If I last that long.

3rd miscarriage.

2009-01-30T11:31:00.001-08:00

It doesn't look good. What a surprise..

Ultrasound technician found a small odd shaped (pancake) gestational sac and a yolk sac but no fetal pole. The sac measured at around 5 weeks length wise, but width wise, it was out of range (which means less than 5 weeks). She also said she is seeing some movement around the sac and asked if I was cramping... I said, minor achey cramps yes. She said it looks like my body is getting ready to get rid of it.

Started out great, HCG more than doubled every 48 hours... then it just stopped. I think we have genetic problems. This is our 3rd m/c in a row, and no kids, so we're finally getting all the tests done.

Worried now

2009-01-29T20:09:00.000-08:00

Test result from yesterday:

HCG = 2153

it's only a 53% increase, whereas I've been having 140% increases last week.

I'm booked for an ultrasound at the hospital tomorrow morning. The doctor is worried too.